Monday, September 14, 2009

So... Is This A Good Thing?

Skip says: I just had our horoscopes done. David being Scorpio, and me being Aquarius... parenthetical comments are my own. Double-parenthetical comments are David's.

(Turns on 16mm projector... David and Skip start watching educational film, and make their comments.)

TITLE: Scorpio and Aquarius... The Final Conflict

(Narration begins.)

When Scorpio and Aquarius come together, it mingles different needs and different philosophies (so true). Scorpio has an emotional intensity with which they face life. ((and my date for the evening)) Aquarius has an unusual, idealistic worldview (so... I have this wacky-doodle view of the universe?). When Scorpio may be more introverted and prefer to be alone with their lover, Aquarius enjoys a night out with friends (again so true, I don't want to see David alone with his lover)((I'm not too thrilled with that idea either, bucko!)).

They may appear to have few common interests (like money)((Yeah, what Skip said!)), but these two are both possessed of strong willpower. When they set this force to a common goal, they are assured of success (yay).

Both Scorpio and Aquarius can be incompliant and opinionated (yep).((I am not. And Skip, don't you dare edit that!)) They like things to go as they dictate, with no questions asked ("I AM the LAW")((If and when I allow that.)).

Scorpio is probing, delves deeply into the hidden meaning of things (like probing one's navel) ((Hey, it could be worse.)). Aquarius is modern and does not enjoy detail (that's why I do plots and David writes the dialogue). Scorpio will find Aquarius exciting, yet may feel frustrated trying to penetrate this revolutionary's mind (bwa-ha-ha) (("Frustrated" is only touching the surface of that one.)). Aquarius will not appreciate the possessiveness of a stinging Scorpion or the amount of attention they require, but will find the devotion Scorpio provides to be a great support (Okay, I'll give him that. He's hopelessly devoted to me) ((Skip, I think you have me confused with Olivia Newton-John.)).

Scorpio is ruled by the Planets Mars and Pluto, and Aquarius is ruled by Saturn and Uranus (Great! I get Uranus, and HE gets Mickey's dog). Mars is a radical, belligerent, aggressive and courageous masculine energy ((Accent on "masculine, ladies!)) and Pluto enlightens these impulses and adds a rebirthing, cyclical quality (like Rambo). Saturn is a cool, contained energy (like Perry Como), and Uranus is about all things different and unusual (I'm not going there...) ((Me, neither, except to say that it's not quite so unusual nowadays...)). Mars is emotional, reacting without thinking things through; such is the nature of Scorpio. For Aquarius, Saturn is about hard work and discipline to achieve goals while Uranus determines thinking ahead (How can you be thinking ahead when talking about Uranus?). Scorpio will teach Aquarius about life based on emotional impulses and what it means to peak behind the surface. Aquarius can teach Scorpio to be more aloof, to detach themselves from uncontrollable situations and to re-evaluate their goals if they are off course (Yeah right. Like I could ever get him to re-evaluate) ((As Archie Bunker once said, "I will gladly apologize if I am ever wrong.")).

Scorpio is a Water Sign ((Actually, I prefer beer.)) and Aquarius is an Air Sign. Aquarius moves through life with pure inventive exploration, while Scorpio is more analytical. Scorpio looks for purpose and Aquarius seeks the stimulating (like a cheap massage parlor in New Jersey). ((The way my social life's been lately, the Jersey massage parlor doesn't sound half bad.)) These partners may find it difficult to understand the other's origin of thought. This pair may have confrontations if Scorpio is too possessive or if Aquarius seems too cool and flippant and denies Scorpio emotional reassurance (What? We need a group hug, or what?). Both partners need to learn that they view the world in different ways and they should celebrate and laugh at their differences (ha ha ha ho ho ho) (("Celebrate? Oh, good, another excuse to get drunk.)).

Scorpio and Aquarius are both Fixed Signs (like "Stop", or "Slippery When Wet"). Both can be rigid, opinionated and unyielding (Man, you hit it right on the head, there). (("Rigid" and "unyielding?" How'd this get to be about my sex life?)) Both partners tend to persist when laboring toward a goal. If they have a plan, they'll stick to it until their efforts are rewarded (like money) ((Yeah, like Skip said, again.)). Once they have made up their minds that they are good partners for each other, they will never be discouraged from maintaining the relationship (except if a pretty woman comes along) ((She doesn't have to be all that pretty, actually...)). But if they have differing ideas, they may find that the Scorpion is the more tenacious, more dogmatic partner who is not beyond emotional manipulation of a partner (David plays these mind-games with me) ((You and the rest of the world.)). If they each believe in the value of the relationship ((There's that "money thing again!)), they will be able to overcome differences.

The best aspect of the Scorpio-Aquarius relationship is the capacity for success in their synergy. Both Signs have very powerful personalities, so neither will openly dominate the other (picturing whips and leather here) ((...and chains... and mayonnaise and rope... and a chandelier...)). Once they can work out their differences, come together and agree on their individual roles within the team, the fruits of this relationship can be fulfilling (like money) ((Yup. Like money.)).

SKIP: Wow.

DAVID: Pay me.


  1. Why do I get a visual of a studio littered with broken glass and crockery and walls splattered with thrown fruit? I guess it's a good thing you guys have the length of the East Coast between you!

  2. In brief, if you avoid killing each other you will end up millionaires.

  3. lol. that was amazing. beware the scorpion sting or Mickey's dogs bite or...hey lets all just get along.

  4. Why am I picturing the "dueling pianos" scene between Daffy Duck and Donald Duck, in "Who Framed Roger Rabbit?" all of a sudden...?

  5. So, after having your horoscope done, do you have a better understanding of your relationship?

    Hey, Skip. I'm an Aquarian massage therapist but not cheap (yep, I like $$$ 2) and probably won't work on the parts that your favorite at the NJ parlor.

    I'm still trying to figure out how you guys are going to chain the mayo to the chandelier...

  6. Ronda... best offer I've had all day! And I'm still trying to figure out, how this chandelier showed up in the first place???