Friday, September 4, 2009

Welcome, Readers!

Skip Simpson writes: Unbeknownst to me, the Silver Fox set up this site as a surprise! In a rare serious moment, I have to say, there is NO one in this world that has ever been, or ever will be a finer writing partner to me, than David M. Lynch!*

(*David adds: Oh, really? And how many others have you ever had? One? None?)

David and I could almost read each other's minds in our collaborative efforts! Our styles are very similar, and we both share a wacky sense of humor. After 17 years... I wonder if the team still "has it"... It's up to you to decide. We'll be taking turns, writing... trying to "paint each other into a corner." End of seriousness.

I remember back in the early 80's, we'd signed up for a four-week correspondence course that we saw on the back of a matchbook cover advertising "How To Write Good."

David scored 100%. I scored a 98%... all because I screwed up in the parenthesis and ellipses final exam. He reminds me of that to this day!**

(**David adds: Well, okay, maybe I do, but only because my 100% score qualified me to sign up for their advanced course, "How To Write Even More Better!")

Well kids, I can surmise we're all in for a fun, roller-coaster ride, showcasing the warped (and hopefully talented) minds of the team of Simpson/Lynch. (breaking out the champagne) I take you now to our dedication ceremony:

An outdoor rally. Sitting on the stage are Skip Simpson and David M. Lynch. They are surrounded on the stage by people they never met***, and one celebrity.

(***David asks: Kinda like a Comedy Central Roast?)

DAVID: (whispers to SKIP) Is that the best you could do?

SKIP: (whispers to DAVID) You said you wanted a celebrity.

DAVID: (whispers to SKIP) Joe the Plumber??? (DAVID glances over to the bald head of Samuel Joseph Wurzelbacher AKA "Joe the Plumber." Joe is happily sitting there clapping his hands for no apparent reason.)

SKIP: (whispers to DAVID) The agency said we could get him real cheap... I gotta make my speech.

(quickly taking a shot of Jack Daniels "Green Label" for liquid courage, Skip staggers to the podium, and annoyingly taps the microphone)

"Ahem. To all..."

(voice in back row) "We can't hear you!"

"Oh yeah? Well I can hear you! And soon the whole world will hear you!"

(clap clap clap)

(Joe The Plumber stands up and claps, but quickly sits back down, after seeing the icy stare of David. Joe stares at his feet.)

"Ahem. To all who come to this happy place - welcome! Simpson/Lynch Studios is your... uh, studios. Here, age relives fond memories of the past and here, youth may savor the challenge and promise of the future... because my friends, that's where we'll spend the rest of our lives. In the future."

(departing from the script, and leaning on the podium in a folksy manner)

"You know... and I'm especially talking to all you young people out there (gives a Sarah Palin patronizing wink). I'm reminded on this historic occasion, of a song I sang in nursery school. It went something like this. Itsy bitsy spider went up the water spout. Out came the rain, and washed the spider out. Out came the sun, and dried up all the rain. So the itsy bitsy spider went up the spout again. Somewhere... I feel, there's a lesson to be learned there, somewhere."

(young people in the audience are stunned)

"Yes... ahem. But, let me reiterate... at this crucial time in American history, Simpson/Lynch Studios is dedicated to the ideals, the dreams, and the hard facts that have created America, such as life, liberty, and the pursuit of the almighty dollar. With the fervent hope that it will be a source of joy and inspiration to all the world... oh yeah, and bring world peace, too. Remember, my fellow Americans... it must be terrible to lose one's mind. Always remember, that if you live in Alaska, you can see Russia from your front porch. (getting folksy) You know, there's a saying we have here in Alabama, and I'm sure it's true in the rest of the country, also. Fool me once, shame on you... fool me twice... we won't get fooled again! That is the dream we share here today. And that dream shall never die. Thank you."

(clap clap clap)

"And now, a few words from a fine person, a great humanitarian, the father of my children, and a friend to those who have no friends... Mister David M. Lynch!"

(clap clap clap)

"Thanks for the clap... I mean, the applause. Thank you. Thank you. And I especially want to thank you. (points to attractive, thirtyish-looking Latina in front row of audience) And thank you, Skip, for that inspired speech... much of it sounding oddly familiar. Thanks as well for the reminder, in your speech and (indicates Joe the Plumber with wave of hand) right here on our stage, that it's not only Rush Limbaugh, Bill O'Reilly, and Glenn Beck who can't get over the results of our last election."

(Skip gives David "the finger" behind David's back)

"Now, I'll be brief..."

(voice in back row) "Yeah, right!"

(David clears throat, begins speaking in what 99% of the world thinks is a Massachusetts accent... in other words, like JFK)

"Skip and I dare not forget today that we are the heirs of our partnership's first incarnation. Let the word go forth from this time and place, to friend and foe alike, that the torch has been re-lit by the old generation of creators -- born in the last century, tempered by war, disciplined by a hard and bitter peace, proud of our ancient heritage -- and unwilling to witness or permit the slow undoing of the proper use of the English language to which the internet should have always been committed, and to which we are committed today at home in our bathrobes and scuffies. Let every nation connected by the WorldWideWeb know, whether it wishes us well or ill, that we shall pay any price, bear any burden, meet any hardship, support any friend, oppose any foe, begin the Beguine, pick a little, talk a little, climb every mountain, ford every stream, wait a million years, walk a million miles, cry a million tears... (pause, checks notes) Where the hell was I? Oh, yeah... in order to assure the survival and the success of good grammar and proper spelling. In the long history of the world, only a few creative minds have been granted the role of defending good writing in its hour of maximum danger. Simpson and Lynch do not shrink from this responsibility -- we welcome it. We do not believe that either of us would exchange places with any other people or any other generation. The energy, the faith, the devotion which we bring to this endeavor will light the internet and all who subscribe to it -- and the glow from that fire can truly light the world. Or burn it to a freakin' cinder, for that matter. And so, my fellow netizens: ask not what Simpson and Lynch can do for you -- ask what you can do for Simpson and Lynch. Because frankly, my dears, this gig doesn't pay worth shit."

(stunned silence, then gradual applause)

"Thank you. (in Elvis Presley voice) Thankyuhverrahmuch!"

(David returns to seat)

SKIP: (whispers to DAVID) Nice, original speech, there... "Mr. President."

DAVID: (whispers to SKIP) Yeah, like I didn't recognize half a dozen quotes in your speech!

SKIP: (whispers to DAVID) Nag.

DAVID: (whispers to SKIP) Mule.

And so it goes...


LET THE SHOW BEGIN! ooooooooooo!





And now... our logo for when we produce videos...



Finally... let's bring out the dancing gals!



Thanks for visiting!

29 comments:

  1. Oh moving stuff : I was close to tears near the end of the third paragraph. Please note I am your first follower. Does this entitle me to a percentage?

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  2. You'll get 10% of everything David and I earn from this blog. Thank you Alan, for being our first subscriber!!!

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  3. Oh GREAT! Another David M. Lynch blog for me to keep track of...fer crying out loud!

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  4. Paul... look at it this way... this time you get two for the price of one! Thank you, for leading me in the right direction to find David after 17 years!

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  5. This looks like the start of a beautiful friendship. :D

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  6. Actually... it's more of a "rekindling of old ties." But, David and I absolutely love the chance of working together again. Thank you, Willow.

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  7. so as the 3rd follower is there a diminishing return? lol. very cool that you are back together. look forward to many more.

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  8. David and I have quite a few surprises in store for our readers. A lot of you requested the complete "Jack" story on Silver Fox's blog... wellll... think that can be arranged. How 'bout even a SEQUEL? This is "insider info" that only our readers are entitled to...

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  9. Oh good, insider stuff! I like an inside tip as well as the next guy. Wait! This isn't the Jockey Gossip blog, is it? Oops! Wrong kind of tip.

    Heh, heh! I've finally gotten used to David's style; it'll be interesting to see how you guys work in combo.

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  10. I hope we won't fall into that old "one guy gets all the attention, while the other guy loads a gun" routine...

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  11. This is gonna be a fun ride, I can tell. And totally lost count of the references-LOL! ( goes to sign up... )

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  12. Thanks for the comment, and thanks for "joining the club."

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  13. LOL,that was great actually,ah yeah Joe the plumber that cracked me up!Nice new blog!:D

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  14. Sign up Candie... good stuff comin' down the pike!

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  15. Just to give you all a "heads up"... David had to attend to some business this afternoon, so I'm in charge right now of answering the mail...

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  16. Looking forward to the "Share-a-Muse Club."

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  17. I'm home now, Skip... so watch your @$$!!!

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  18. Great! It's your turn to respond to our readers! Did you catch us sitting in the box at the beginning of the Can-Can number?

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  19. Bravo!!! I don't know whether to be excited or very,very scared. Here's to a new beginning and a renewal of a great partnership.

    Sweet dreams

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  20. Thanks to all who have visited today, and signed up! Having spent all my creative juices in the last 48 hours, I'm tired, and I'm going to bed. zzzzzzz

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  21. With great trepidation I'm signing on.... you know me David, I'll follow you anywhere hahaha

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  22. @ Val: Ooh, baby, baby!

    @Everyone: Thanks for your encouragement.It seemed like a good idea at the time...

    For my first solo Simpson/Lynch-related post, I'm planning a character profile of someone you never even heard of. Expect that sort of weirdness from both of us!

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  23. How can it be a Simpson/Lynch related post if it's someone I never heard of???

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  24. I meant our readers, you goofy f***!*

    (*"goofy f***" quote from Apocalypse Now, as Skip knows all too well.)

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  25. How can it be a Simpson/Lynch related post if it's someone I never heard of???

    Oh my, oh my, I may live to regret this...... still, in for a penny and all that.....

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  26. Enjoy the champagne, hula-hula girls, balloons, and pony ride ring that I sent to commemorate this auspicious occasion! What? The package hasn't arrived yet? It was delivered next door to simpsonlunch.blogspot.com? Sorry about that, chiefs! Maybe there's a balloon left?

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  27. @Val: Please let me clarify. I'm composing a post about a fictional character we created in the early 1980s.

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  28. I know! I took words already used and tried to turn it into a joke....

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  29. Oops. Sorry.I just worry sometimes that my wordiness can obscure my meaning.

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