(We are onboard the "Skipster One," an advanced, customized Boeing 777-232. Sitting behind the fancy "Neon Bar" are SKIP "THE SKIPSTER" SIMPSON and DAVID M. "THE SILVER FOX" LYNCH. They have decided to go here for a few hours, in order not to raid WILLOW's expensive liquor supply, purchased for tomorrow's grand event, "The Ball At Willow Manor."
SKIP's date, the lovely CAMERON DIAZ, has borrowed DAVID's car, his treasured 1963 White Corvette Stingray, to travel into town to "have her face done." Now, the two recently re-united "former partners" are just making small talk, staring at the mirror images of themselves, and killing time. We join their conversation in progress.)
(SUPER TITLE: Monday, October 12, 2009. 10 a.m.)
DAVID: ...but the strangest part was when SHE called ME "Dude!" I didn't expect that from an actress of her stature. I wouldn't have even expected your little Cameron...
DAVID: ...to have said it.
SKIP: (After a long silence) You like that word, don'cha?
DAVID: What word?
DAVID: Not really. I mean, I kinda like it when women call me that.
SKIP: You like when a woman calls you "Dude?"
DAVID: Yes. I do.
SKIP: But you would never use that word?
DAVID: What word?
DAVID: Never in a million years!
SKIP: I've seen you use it before.
DAVID: Well, yeah... You've SEEN me use it SARCASTICALLY, on my blog. Too bad this is an actual conversation, or I'd link to a couple of examples. But I can't.
SKIP: Thank God for that...
DAVID: Sorry? Didn't hear that...
SKIP: Nothing, I just burped. Too much to drink, maybe.
DAVID: I thought you once said "There's no such thing as 'too much' to drink." Or did I say that?
SKIP: I don't know. Probably both. (pause) So you would never say "Dude" for real?
DAVID: Why did you name this plane "The Skipster One?"
SKIP: Why? You don't like the name?
DAVID: Ordinarily, I would. But I went half-and-half with you on this.
SKIP: So, you want me to paint it all black, or what?
DAVID: That might be a good start...
SKIP: You don't like the paint job?
DAVID: Purple and yellow???
SKIP: (correcting him) MAUVE... and "Morning Glory."
DAVID: Excuse the hell outta me. MAUVE and freakin' Morning Glory. Who's your decorator? Elton John?
SKIP: Hey, you weren't around when I had it painted!
DAVID: I want the plane to have MY name on it, too.
SKIP: Okay. (taking slow swig of beer for emphasis) Who you gonna get to fly it?
DAVID: How about Chuck Yeager?!? What do you mean, "Who am I gonna get to fly it???"
SKIP: I'm rated on this baby. Have over 3000 hours.
DAVID: (muttering) "I'm an excellent driver..."
DAVID: Nothing... And does that 3000 include the hours you flew while drunk?
SKIP: What was that? I didn't hear that, either. Speak up!
DAVID: Nothing. I just burped.
SKIP: That was a burp? That was a pretty long burp!
DAVID: Well... I've had just as much to drink as you have. Plus the spicy fajitas I had for lunch... Anyway, what were we talking about?
SKIP: I was talking about having logged over 3000 hours.
DAVID: Oh, yeah. Mostly accrued by your flying your "girlfriends" off for two-hundred dollar hamburgers, I assume!!!
SKIP: (ignoring DAVID's last remark) So. Can we call the plane "Cameron?"
DAVID: F**K, NO!!!
SKIP: I'll have it repainted to black...
DAVID: Please do.
(They sit in silence for a few moments. SKIP lights a cigarette.)
DAVID: Please don't smoke on my plane.
SKIP: It's HALF your plane.
DAVID: Don't smoke in my half.
SKIP: Oh, come ON!!! Okay. OKAY!!! You want to claim half this plane? Which half do YOU want?
DAVID: The half with the big engines. (pause) That DOES include the BAR, right?
SKIP: Look, we need to grab some shut-eye before the ball begins at midnight... (pause) Do you agree? (pause) I said, do you agree?
DAVID: (still standing, but snoring)