Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Around The Ol' Hot Tub...

Dear Miss Manners,

Well... Gretchen, Kato and myself were just sitting around the hot tub, talkin' trash about our ex-employee, that "Perky Piece Of Crap Tara King," and the latest so-called "peace offering" by my former friend and writing partner, "The Foxster," when suddenly, and quite unannounced, Ben Affleck shows up, looking really sad and desperate!
Seems he wants "Simpson/Lynch" to write him a "great" movie. I told him that "Simpson/Lynch" was now just "Simpson," and he started to cry. I tried to console him. I told him that maybe he should contact Matt Damon, and write another script like "Good Will Hunting." He sobbed, and said Matt never calls him anymore! I told Ben, that I thought he was actually pretty good playing George Reeves in "Hollywoodland," but he didn't stop crying.

That was the time Jack Black shows up, drunk as a skunk! He heard I was going to wrestle The Foxster, and wanted to give me some tips he had learned, while filming "Nacho Libre."He started making fun of Ben, and called him a "No-Talent Twerp With A Big Jaw!" That just made Ben cry harder.

Kato told Jack to shut up, as Kato actually LIKES Ben, as Kato's seen "Armeggedon" over a hundred times. Kato hates Jack, because he heard that Jack wanted to produce the "Green Lantern" movie, with himself in the lead role. You see, Kato is a HUGE comic book and sci-fi fan! I recently found out, he also holds a rating in the B777... yes, the same type as my stolen plane! (The one The Foxster now wants to magnanamously return to me!)

Meanwhile, Gretchen was frantically waving her arms, trying to tell me something, but because she can only speak two words of English, and my knowledge of German is "Volkswagen," and "Farfenugen," we were at a total loss, until she remembered her flash cards! You see, she has a set of flash cards, with pictures on them that she points to, so she can get her message across.
She showed me a picture of an elderly German couple, and pointed to herself and said "Mein papa und mama."

Of course I understood right away, nodded my head, and said, "Ahhh. Gretchen papa and mama, ja."

Gretchen beamed. She showed me another picture of nine large, happy Germans wearing lederhosen, and carrying instruments in an "Ooom-Pah-Pah Band." Obviously her family in the Old Country.

"Mein," she said, and smiled.
I nodded, and smiled back. "Ja."
She showed me a picture of a Lufthansa airliner, combined with a picture of the Statue Of Liberty.
"America," she said proudly.

Of course I got it! Her entire family was coming to visit! How happy I was for her!

THEN she pulled out the aerial picture of "Simpson Studio," nodded expectantly, her big blue eyes opened wide, and stammered out, "Stay... here?"

That's when the front doorbell rang, and I swear I heard the unmistakable sound of a tuba!

My question is, is it okay to bring up "The War?"

The Skipster
P.S. On a personal note to "The Silver Fox," sorry guy! Cancel the match? I have too much money tied up in T-Shirts and Bumper Stickers, that read "Knock The Socks Off The Fox!"


  1. Nice musical german family, and you also seem to know the german word 'ya' which is all there is to know. Hope you'll enjoy them!

  2. You could watch Faulty Towers, an episode titled "The Germans" for Basil Faulty's tips on how to be super-hospitable.
    It will work particularly well if they overstay their welcome.

  3. I have to say that my sympathy is with that nice Silver Fax gentleman. He seems such a splendid fellow and it is so unfair how you stole his cat. You must give it back to him immediately otherwise when it comes to the wrestling match I will ... I will hold his coat for him!

  4. LOL! HAVE to laugh at Alan. He butters his toast on both sides.

    Dear Skip,

    Speaking of certain things is not recommended. However, you might be able to squeak by if you speak of the war. Just be sure the fork is on the LEFT!

    Miss Manners

  5. Funny! Great! I actually liked Ben Affleck in Hollywoodland myself. He's not bad that actor. Can't speak for Kato though....

  6. DUTA: I like Polkas, but not at three in the morning.
    Mimi: I LOVED that episode! Maybe I'll practice my "silly walk."
    Alan: Methinks AngelMay is right about you...
    AngelMay: I always know where my fork is!
    Kate: Being a George Reeves fan from childhood, I watched the film expecting the worst, and I must say I was pleasantly surprised!

    The word verification is "crousho." Was that one of the lost Marx Brothers?

  7. I totally understand why Kato hates Jack. He's more like a lighthouse than a lantern.

  8. Meine Familie will überspringen, um mich heiraten!

  9. 先生 Skipster 已女朋友 !

  10. Thanks for the big giggles. I can't imagine seeing "Armeggedon" 100 times.
    Great post! Thanks for sharing.

  11. I shouldn't even be here, but after your comment on my last post on the former Simpson/Lynch blog... I had to check out your site!

    I must admit, I like the idea of your "Knock The Sox Off The Fox" paraphernalia. I might buy some myself, as they're sure to become collectibles after our match... just like the newspaper with the "Dewey Defeats Truman" headline!!!

    P.S. -- Way to go, Alan! You've obviously seen the light!