Saturday, November 14, 2009

The Birthday Boy...

The lovely, and perky "Tara King" called me today. She actually wanted me to write a check for the "Silver Fox's Birthday Bash!"
Of course, at first I said no way, but she kept hitting on that "guilt" thing (does she know I'm half-Jewish?)
Anyway, she finally wore me down. Even if I do despise "The Silver Fox," if I saw someone teaming up on him in a dark alley, I'd be there to defend him. I wonder if he'd ever do the same for me? I wrote a sizeable check.
It doesn't matter now. I'm going to wrestle him, and I will DESTROY him!!!
My personal assistant, Gretchen... and her whole freakin "Ooom-Pah-Pah Family" seem to think I did "the right thing."
She's learning more English as the days wear on. Tonight, I was just sitting alone by the hot tub, and she came and sat beside me. After awhile, she asked, "Skip need hug, ja ?"
I just nodded my head, and she snuggled up close to me.
Then she came out with the most profound statement I ever heard from her!
She said, "Love you. Don't want you to get hurt."
That, my gentle readers, was the most English I ever heard her speak!
It has been a long time since a fine lady would accept me, warts and all, and tell me she actually "loved" me.
Any sane man, (and I never said I was sane,) should have kissed her tenderly, and held her tight... but I just ignored her, and just it a cigarette.
I was caught up in the wrestling match that was approaching with "The Silver Fox" soon. I was also thinking of that perky Tara King.
Gretchen wants to be "in my corner" when that night arrives. I wish she would just stay away!
Sometimes I wish she would stay away, and that the whole would stay away! Sometimes I wish I could just curl up in a cave alone, and with no feelings for anyone. That would make it easier.
Am I scared about having to face "The Foxster?" Yes.
Am I afraid of getting injured? Yes.
Am I afraid of a commitment? Yes.

And dear Gretchen sits silently, tears running down her cheeks... her dear heart breaking.

And I put the shell around me.

Happy Birthday, David.


  1. I have to say that my sympathy is with that nice Gretchen lady. She seems such a splendid lady and it is so unfair how she is caught in the middle of a feud between you two gentlemen. When it comes to the wrestling match I will ... I will hold her coat for her (and anything else she might want holding)!

  2. Well, true love is when two people accept each other with all their imperfections. Gretchen seems to accept you "as is", so don't think twice, just grab her and adopt her to your heart.

  3. Stumbled on this post... ummm... by accident. I'm so glad you added "I will DESTROY him!!!" Otherwise I'd think you were having second thoughts, or something...

    Oh, and... thanks. I may think of you Monday, when the perky Tara King, Orson, and myself hold a quiet birthday celebration for me.

  4. If you do "hook up" with gretchen, make sure you get her coat from Alan!

  5. what is it with men and commitment?
    Oh no wait..what is it with women and commitment?;)

  6. Happy Birthday to the Foxster!!

  7. Where the heck ARE you, Skip? I expected you to visit my blog days ago - and I'm still waiting. You OK? Not off with that Gretchen babe, are you? Sheesh.

  8. Perhaps you should've saved the cigarette for, you know... "after?"