Monday, November 30, 2009

A "Twofer" -- "The Fox and the Hound(dog)" and "The Search For Kato!"

From the Foxster Silver Fox:

The Skipster had disappeared, but I was only slightly concerned. From some remarks he'd made earlier, I was pretty sure he'd gone looking for Kato. Skip had dropped enough hints that Kato was kidnapped by the head of the WTF. I was only worried that his recent, frequent headaches wouldn't impede his mission.

Being alone here in Alabama -- well, except for Gretchen, Skip's able-bodied (and how!) assistant, who anxiously awaited his return, and her entire family, which is camped out in the Simpson/Lynch Studios backyard -- I realized there was still a loose end to tie up. I borrowed a cell phone from Gretchen's affable Uncle Kris, made a few quick calls, and drove my rental car to my destination.

And that destination was the "lair" of the Honky Tonk Man!

By "Honky Tonk Man," I'm referring to the WTF's knock-off version of the "genuine" Honky Tonk Man (real name, Roy Wayne Farris) of WCW/WWF fame. This Honky Tonk Man is a schlub named Arthur Prunesqualor.

The team of Simpson and Lynch owed him, big time.
  1. He'd cheated in his wrestling bout with the Skipster by having two goons enter the ring in order to help him win the match.
  2. He smashed a guitar on Skip's skull, a cowardly act which has caused Skip's unnervingly-frequent headaches.
  3. He undoubtedly was "in on" the kidnapping of Kato.
  4. He has defamed the image, if not the name, of Elvis Presley, the King of Rock'n'Roll!!
And getting even with him was my job.

Just in case things went horribly wrong, I stopped by Motel 6 to see the perky Tara King -- my intern and girlfriend -- for what could have been the last time. I've really grown attached to her. She's apparently classically educated, worldly beyond her years, and loves many of the same things I do (including Orson the Cat). Other than the fact that she continually leaves my jazz LP collection and related literature lying all over the place, she's close to perfect. Well, that and her favorite, somewhat-annoying cutesy catch-phrase, "Kewl beanz!" I mean, really! But those are minor things. She's been dressing in black lately; I'm not sure if that's because I always dress in black as well, or if she's just identifying with the 1950s-1960s American beatniks she so admires. The perky Tara King kissed me good-bye and told me to be careful. It's almost like she knew where I was going, although I didn't tell her!

Briefly, here's what happened. After finding the location of the Honky Tonk Man's Lair (or "HTML" for short), I showed up at the door of his home, situated in the seedy part of a (thankfully) nearby city.

I knocked. He answered. (Luckily for me, in his street clothes he looked a lot less imposing than when in character.) He recognized me immediately and screamed like a little girl, slamming the door in my face. I kicked it in, only to see him running away. I followed him out the back door, into a maze of alleyways behind the building.

I couldn't see him, but I'd find him. I'd gotten his scent. He smelled like pork grease, and if there's anything I have a "nose" for, it's the flesh of the pig!


Heh. He was mine!


Piece o'cake. Pork-scented cake, that is.

My final punch was thrown after saying "This is for Kato... and the Skipster... and Elvis!" Then I let the wimpy Elvis wannabe skulk off into the night.

Thanks for your time.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

From the Skipster:

I've decided to take matters into my own hands.

I really need to have Kato back here, because he really is one helluva cook and a bodyguard (even if he can't take care of his own self)! And he is also an "encyclopedia of knowledge" regarding comic books, old movies, and science fiction! Much like The Foxster, whom Kato despises. (That last part sounds familiar, like I've written it somewhere before!)

Plus, my "personal assistant," Gretchen misses him!

Thanks to my old sources at British Intelligence, I discovered that the British-born head of the upstart WTF wrestling federation, Bruno Drake, indeed kidnapped Kato, in order to keep Kato from interfering in my match with the Honky Tonk Man and his two goons, and to keep me working for the WTF! If I don't agree, they will kill Kato! Hmmph. Looks like I'm back in action, one more time! After all, I didn't get that "License To Kill" by selling Girl Scout Cookies!

(Why am I hearing the voice of "The Movie Guy," the late Don LaFontaine, saying this next part?)

In a world of avarice and deceit...

They thought they knew him...

They were wrong...

Dead wrong!

Payback! This time, it's for real!!!




Vootie.

6 comments:

  1. lol. you never cease to keep us entertained...pork scented cake...eww...nice bond homage...think i placed that game...smiles.

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  2. You two are nutz. That's why I luvs ya. But Fox should be ashamed, making that poor man cry.

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  3. Brian & AngelMay: We KNOW we're nutz! But, we LOVE to keep our loyal readers, such as yourselves on their toes. The Foxster and I have decided to maintain SnL as a continuing "soap opera" for our zany adventures... keeping our individual blogs open, to do whatever we personally want to do...

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  4. Still laughing!That post was awesome!:)

    The Silver Fox:nice move!

    Skip:So that's what you really do?Tea party is just a cover!Nice one!

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  5. @AngelMay: Hey, in my own defense, he deserved it, after smashing a guitar on the Skipster's noggin! Wait until Thursday's post, when you see what he really did to poor ole Skip!

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