Saturday, November 14, 2009

WTF, Indeed!

"The days are counting down to the biggest grudge match the WTF has ever seen!"

Yeah, that's the slogan that the relatively new, upstart wrestling federation, the WTF (Wrestle That Fellow), is using to promote my upcoming bout with Skip Simpson.

Skip came up with an admittedly-clever slogan, "Knock the Sox Off the Fox!" He quickly had a bunch of t-shirts, coffee mugs, and Lord knows what else emblazoned with these words. (I might buy some myself! They're sure to become hot collectibles after the match... just like the 1948 Chicago Tribune with the headline "DEWEY DEFEATS TRUMAN!" Heh.)

The powers-that-be at the WTF loved it, and quickly designed a similar visual based on my own slogan, "Rip Into Skip!"

(And didja notice? Mine's bigger than his! [insert joke here] )

I must admit to misgivings about the management of the WTF, however. They latched onto my comparisons between Skip and "Macho Man" Randy Savage, and myself to Hulk Hogan. Evidently, they want to recreate the glory days of what was once the WWF, ripping off their characters from years gone by without so much as a by-your-leave! (Hope Vince McMahon's lawyers get ahold of these bozos some time after The Skipster and The Foxster The Silver Fox have our grudge match!)

The contract Skip and I had to sign was full of fine print, unfortunately. For one thing, we are not allowed to promote our match anywhere (except here) without being dressed as our contracted-upon characters. For example:

And if you're wondering what all that talk about "Elizabeth" was... Hoo boy. Evidently, the original, real Randy Savage had a woman named Elizabeth standing by his side. The WTF supplied Skip with an Elizabeth clone, as it were, but -- as so many women have before her -- the WTF's Elizabeth soon came over to The Silver Fox's stable, and has become my manager! Not to be outdone, The Skipster decided to bring along his personal assistant, Gretchen Von Grüber... but the WTF insisted that she be dressed as Elizabeth as well! What a mess!

Not only that, but to build up interest among their viewers, the WTF has also obligated Skip to fight an Elvis clone called the Honky Tonk Man, before Skip and I can have our bout! How degrading! And to paraphrase a line from National Lampoon's Animal House, they can't demean Skip like that! Only I can demean Skip like that! (The perky Tara King, my new intern, has even convinced me to hang out backstage during this pre-Thanksgiving match. What, is she expecting me to cheer Skip on? Yeah, right!)

So, as my title says, WTF, indeed!

And I suppose I should take this moment to mention Skip's latest post, a surprising early birthday tribute (well, of sorts) to me! Wow. It almost makes me nostalgic for the times when... (No. No. Don't go there, David!)

Thanks for your time.


  1. Will the bout be broadcast on international media?

  2. Not sure, actually. These guys at the WTF run things rather haphazardly, but stayed tuned to this blog and you'll get the whole story, courtesy of myself and/or Ol' What's-His-Name!

  3. Oops. I meant "stay tuned," obviously.

  4. "Rip into Skip" LOL

    You know I'm on your side!Sorry Skip!No hard feelings uh?

  5. Rip into Skip
    Is such a trip.
    Make a shirt,
    I'm sure to buy it.
    The Silver Fox
    Must not lose his socks.
    His feet, they'll
    Be a cryin'