Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Entertaining At Mr. Toast's First Annual Christmas Tea!
(Bings crystal glass softly)
May I please have your attention, ladies and gentlemen? On this fabulous occasion, I would like everyone to stand, raise their glasses, and join me in toasting our esteemed friend, Mr. Toast, while at the same time, remembering the upcoming Holiday Season. Let us hope that this event, will be the first of many more in the years ahead.
"Mister Toast, it is said that a man with friends is blessed. Tonight we have seen very many of your friends, which must mean you are truly blessed! We thank you for holding this event. I think I speak for all of us here, who are enjoying a lovely time... who all wish you good luck, good fortune, and good health in the future."
And, in the words of Groucho Marx...
"Here's champagne to our true friends...
and true pain to our sham friends."
And finally, in the words of Sir Walter Scott...
"Heap on more wood! The wind is chill.
But let it whistle, as it will.
We'll keep our Christmas merrier still."
Salute! Thank you, everyone!
(Gretchen shyly gives Mr. Toast a friendly hug, and whispers in his ear, "Frohe Weihnachten, Herr Toast!" )
(Skip sits at piano. Both Skip and Gretchen donning dark sunglasses.)
Thank you very much. And thank you, Gretchen for that fine interpretive dance! I'll have to admit, she's a lot more fun than that horrible "Cammie" person, I brought to "The Willow Manor Ball!"
Speaking of my devoted "personal assistant"... where did she go??? As my friend and writing partner, David M. "The Foxster" Lynch (who by the way sends his regrets that he couldn't make it tonight) would say, "Dude!!! Where's my secretary???"
Anyway, Miss Gretchen Von Grüber... whom I believe is wearing yet another Stella McCartney creation, has promised "something special," in honor of Mr. Toast, and all you wonderful people.
Ladies and gentlemen, I have NO idea what it is... and... and...
And, she has... just reappeared... in a completely different... hairstyle?!?
Hmm... Okay... I must admit, it looks rather nice...
Now she's handing me some sheet music, and pointing me towards the piano, with that "pretend stern look" she does around the studio...
(Bows formally to Gretchen, who can't help but crack a little smile.)
Well, folks... THIS is going to be interesting, as I KNOW she hardly speaks any English!
(Skip sits at piano. The lights dim. Gretchen nervously steps up to the microphone.)
NOW, I know why she kept listening to that Linda Ronstadt album over and over again, for the last two weeks! You sounded amazingly just like her! Thank you Gretchen! That was outstanding!
Last but not least, if you direct your attention to the huge video screen descending from the ceiling... here's something guaranteed to get everyone into the Holiday Spirit!
I proudly present, Celtic Woman... featuring my favorite, the always-ebullient Chloë Agnew! (She's the one in the pink dress.)
(And I just know, that when my best friend and writing partner, "The Foxster" first sees this, he's gonna say, "Forget Chloë Agnew! I wanna see more of the girl with the fiddle!")
And a very Merry Christmas Season, to you and yours!