Tuesday, January 26, 2010

PART THREE of the Kewl Beanz! Grand Opening: Ohhh, We Got Trouble!

Scene One

The ground floor of Kewl Beanz! It is shortly before one p.m., and the Foxster is pacing back and forth at the foot of the stairs... and singing.

Foxster (to the tune of "Trouble" from "The Music Man"): Ohhh, we got trouble! Yesss, we got trouble! With a capital "T" and that rhynes with "B" and that stands for Beat... (Tara enters and stares at him.) ...nik.

Tara: Have you lost your mind?

Foxster: Working on it.

Tara: What's going on upstairs?

Foxster: There are four guys up there in your little beatnik haven, having way too much fun.

Tara: Who are they?

Foxster: I don't think three of them are anyone we'd know, but the fourth one, according to Kato's description... Well, you'd never believe it.

Tara (heading for the stairs): So, let's get up there!

Foxster: Hold it. I don't want you to get hurt. (pause) Or me, either, frankly.

Tara: You're kidding, right? After I've been trained by Kato for all this time? Let's go! (Tara takes the Foxster's hand, and they ascend the stairs side by side.)

* * * * *

Scene Two

The upstairs "beatnik haven," as the Foxster described it. Two men are playing pool, while drinking alcohol and smoking cigarettes. Two other men are acting like overgrown children, kicking over chairs, breaking glasses, etc. Tara and the Foxster open the door.

Foxster (calmly): Okay, guys, enough's enough...

Tara (impatiently): I don't think they even heard you, hon. (screaming) HEY, YOU JERKS! THAT'S ENOUGH! KNOCK IT OFF!

The two men who are basically raising 47 kinds of hell stop what they're doing and advance toward Tara and the Foxster. The First Man not-so-gently places his right hand on Tara's left arm.

First Man: Listen, sweetheart...

Tara: Do not call me "sweetheart!" (Tara grabs the offending hand with her own right hand, and expertly twists it -- and the arm attached to it -- until the man has fallen to the floor in front of her, on his knees.)

First Man (grimacing with pain as Tara continues to hold his arm): You're lucky I don't hit broads...!

Second Man (advancing toward Tara): She ain't gonna be so lucky with me. I'll hit anybody.

Suddenly, the Foxster is standing between Tara and the Second Man.

Foxster: No. You won't.

Tara (from behind the Foxster): David, I could handle this clown just as well as I did the other one.

Foxster (casually turning his back on the Second Man): I know you could, baby. But as long as I'm around, you'll never have to.

Second Man: Hey, blondie, are you done talkin'?

The Foxster turns back to face the Second Man. He removes his dark sunglasses, folds them, and hands them to Tara.

Foxster: In the words of Gary Cooper... "Yup."

The Foxster unleashes a left-handed uppercut which sends the Second Man backwards and onto the pool table. The Second Man lies there, unconscious.

The Third Man, and Jack, the fourth man, have been playing pool all this time. Now, their game is interrupted.

Jack (to Foxster): You just ruined our game, pal.

Tara sees Jack for the first time.

Tara: Ohmigods. It's you! You're one of my idols!

Jack (shrugging): Yeah. I get that a lot.

Tara (recovering herself): Then you should act like you deserve it. Why did you bring these men in here?

Jack (defensively): Hey, I wasn't the one smashing things. I was just waiting for someone...

Tara: Ronda. I know. But did you even bother calling her to tell her you'd meet her here? (Jack shakes his head, no.) And it is true that you didn't cause any of this commotion, but as I said, you brought them here. (Tara points to the Second Man, still on the pool table, and speaks to the First Man and the Third Man.) You two, get him out of here. And don't come back.

Jack: What about me?

Tara (pointing to a nearby chair): You're going to sit down and wait for Ronda. (Jack looks at her, somewhat amazed.) Don't say what you're thinking, either. You're just lucky I don't hand you a broom! (Jack seats himself on the chair, while Tara shakes her head.) All the great writers and poets you could have brought here, and you brought those thugs! (pause) What would your mother say if she could see you right now?

Jack doesn't reply. Tara and the Foxster exit the room, closing the door behind them.

78 comments:

  1. Well, for a sec I thought we were gonna need Xena to come save the day! But looks like Tara and Mr. Fox can handle things very well! :)

    OK...QMM is here?? I just love her! Now that I have a lovely hazelnut cappuccino, I'm going to go watch her and Ronda at the pool table....

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  2. Tara's dispatched a cleaning crew to the little "beatnik haven." (Does anyone have a good name for it? We're stumped!) It looks like it'll have to open sooner than expected; so be it.

    And me? The coffee's wearing off. If I'm going to be in any shape for tonight's festivities... I need a nap.

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  3. Hm. Lizzie doesn't have a date? And neither does Betsy?

    Ah, for the good old days...

    OUCH!

    Just kidding, Tara!

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  4. Wait a minute guys, I am not playing I am drinking coffee and watching. The performance is by Sister and brother-in law, Sammy and Loree Jon Jones. You are lucky, it would cost two fortunes to get the beautiful Loree Jon to demonstrate. Sammy is now on the IPA board and doesn't play as much. HH and I will be dancing later tonight.
    QMM

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  5. BTW don't break up the pool table.
    QMM

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  6. @ Betsy - I'm still here. Digesting the news of my guest having to leave so quickly. He assured me that his "replacement" would make me perfectly happy in his unexpected absence. More details to come later. For now, I must warm up my vocal chords.

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  7. Hahah. Yes, Xena could have saved the day there too. Where is Xena, btw?

    Jacj. Jacj, what were you thinking? Oh dear me. Better make it up with some great prose or soemthing. And poor Ronda. How's she going to get there now.

    Boy, this jet is fast. Not too fast I hope thoug, I am rather enjoying this strudel and wow, Gretchen has mastered the language you well. She even has a few local colloquialisms thrown in there as well.

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  8. umm, sorry there JACK! I do know how to spell your name, really I do. LOL.

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  9. Jack! What the hell have you been doing? You could have called, you know!

    Thanks, Tara. Sorry for all the problems. There won't be any more will there, Jack? I didn't think so. Tara, give Jack your broom. We'll take over from here and those over big lugs will help you with anything you need help with, won't you boys?

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  10. Betsy: I look forward to hearing you sing. I'm no songbird but, I make a great audience.

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  11. "La La La La" (tears) "La La La La"

    (deep breath - prepping to record something special for the gang)

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  12. Lizzie! There you are! Did you see Tony? Stark, I mean, of course. He's been looking for you everywhere!

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  13. (calling on cellphone) Mister Foxster? We're about fifteen minutes from landing at Montgomery. It's been an exhausting flight! I bet you are having an easier time there, huh?

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  14. No, I don't really sing. But I hear Lizzie does! Hope she isn't too upset after her date left. Well, now, I think Tony is about to make up for the whole thing! LOL.

    So, Mr. Fox...Tara got you good with that elbow! ;)

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  15. ((cellphone ringing))

    "Hello?"

    ((voice on the other line))

    "Yes. I was expecting your call. Uh huh. Oh."

    ((voice on other end of phone))

    "OOOOOOOOOOOohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!"

    ((Lizzie blushes))

    "OK. I will be expecting you then."

    ((Lizzie hangs up - smile beaming on her face))

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  16. Hi, everyone! (Especially those I haven't met yet!) I'll be making the rounds to introduce myself to y'all ASAP! I can't wait until tonight, when we all get to dress up... although those of you who have already look delish! I'll be wearing a gown by vinDiesel, one of my fave designers. Wait till y'all see it! I'm trying to coordinate a rilly "kewl" show for this evening. Which reminds me: Ixnay on the ingingsay references, get it, ladies? That's a surprise Gretchen and I have planned for the boys! (Meet me in the first floor ladies' room around four o'clock for more details.)

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  17. Xena has just reached the border of Alabama and is consulting a map for directions to Pleasantview.

    Barry is in the rickshaw counting the monetary value of the speeding tickets she collected along the way and wondering if a personal jet wouldn't have been cheaper.

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  18. Barry ~ I saw your rickshaw as it passed through Ohio into Kentucky...my that Xena can run! :)

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  19. @Betsy: I'm just glad it was an elbow and not a knee. But now, I really need a nap.

    And by the way, I tried to tell her about the Manor Ball, and... you know... but she just said that whatever happened before I met her doesn't matter. Isn't she great? Have you met her yet?

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  20. (Calling on cellphone. Foxster puts it up on speakers.) Hey everyone! We've got Mister Toast here, and we're gonna be dropping him off at Pleasantview Country Club and Spa, so he can check in. Y'know... we just passed this guy on I-65 that looked just like Barry, but he was being pulled in a rickshaw by some Amazon woman! Well, see ya in a few!

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  21. Don't worry, Betsy! David, "the Foxster," is just being a big baby. I'm teasing! And I would never really hurt him.

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  22. Hey, I'm here! Fantastic place. Good to see some familiar faces too!

    You can catch up with my particualr going ons over here at MORE HOT TOAST AND JAM!

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  23. David and Skip...so far, it's been fun...

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  24. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  25. Hey guys, my new guest has arrived but I am not able to leave my room at the moment...find out more here.

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  26. Paul!!! Glad to see you!!! (Dings glass) Attention everyone! This is the famous Paul Howley, who was instrumental in helping Simpson/Lynch Studios become what it is today, by helping Skip Simpson locate David M. Lynch after many years!

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  27. We heard him and saw him. Yes Mr. T. in his rickshaw heard and saw him swish through Ky. I hope he was warmer than we are. I called the Ky. State Police and told them not to give them a ticket as they were on an important business trip. KSP called me back and said thanks for the tip. They made it through the state on good terms.
    QMM

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  28. Oh...whoops, scuze me, I was just looking for Barry and Xena. I think they may have forgotten their camera, and I wanted them to get a picture. Where AM I anyway? What's going ON here? You have coffee?

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  29. Oh, Vickie? Be a dear and get Kerry some nice hot coffee!

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  30. We've got a great game of 9-ball going on upstairs.

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  31. That WAS Barry??? (Opens cellphone. Calls county sheriff.) Hey Andy? Skipster here. We have this guy in a rickshaw being pulled along I-65 at 65 miles an hour by an Amazon woman. Yeah. I know it's something you don't see every day. Oh? You'd like to see that too? Well, tell you what... get a couple of cars up to the county line and wait for them. If y'all could give them a police escort to KewlBeanz! that would be great! You will? Thanks buddy! I owe ya one!

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  32. So nice to meet you Tara & Gretchen. And so fun to see Betsy, Ronda, Lizzie, QMM, Paul, Skipster, Foxster and the infamous Mr. Toast. Haven't see Barry yet, though. Has he arrived?
    Glad the trouble with a capital "T" is under control...for now. A possible name for the "beatnik haven" might be Krebs Krib (in honor of Maynard G.), the the best bongo drummer ever.

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  33. "Krebs Krib?" I like it; it fits well with "kewl" instead of "cool," ya think? Have to ask the others! Thanks, you're a sweetie!

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  34. Mr. Fox ~ oh, yes, Tara paid me a nice visit and we had a little chat. ;)

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  35. ((A man dressed in black with a slight bulge to the right of his suit comes down the stairs, makes his way to the Skipster, and hands him a note.))

    This is from room 005.

    ((He quietly slips back up the stairs and out of site.))

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  36. LadyCat, I am so happy to make your acquaintance, ja. My English not very good, but it is very nice to make new friend. (Hands LadyCat a long-stemmed yellow rose.) This is for you. It is a custom in my family to do this. You will have a lot of luck and very many friends. (Smiles.)

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  37. (The Skipster's expression suddenly changes.) He slowly makes his way to room 005.

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  38. Hi Gretchen! It was so nice of you to call me while flying to Denver! You certainly are a wonderful hostess! It's great to see you again!

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  39. Hello friends these are some of my favorite folks, my HH Tom whom you met at Willow Manor, his brother Sam and Sam's wife Loree Jon. I am so glad to meet all of you. There are a lot of people here I know. Afraid to mention all the new ones I have met, my memory is not as good as it used to be.But now at least I know who all these folks are. Please take us to Krebs Krib before the billiards table is smashed to pieces. That is if that is going to be the name for the second floor room.
    QMM

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  40. (((From Lizzie's room)))

    "Yes sir. It worked. He's making his way up the stairs as we speak."

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  41. Thanks for the yellow rose, Gretchen. It is my favorite color rose!
    I posted what I'll be wearing...courtesy of Audrey in "Funny Face".

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  42. Oh my goodness, I thought Sean's Bond days were behind him. We got abducted, kidnapped by some crazy Russian spys and just managed to escape with our skins on (and not much else). I'm so glad those idiots left the keys in Seans Mercedes. Now we're going to have to shopping for new clothes when we arrive. You'll never believe where Sean kept his spare gun. Good thing I'm well endowed.

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  43. Please forgive my typos. I'm still a little shook up.

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  44. Sounds like Sean and my date just might hit it off. Say, where is he? He disappeared....

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  45. Oh my...it's turning into a Bond reunion! ha.
    OK, Cat...where is Bach? Is he still in the black and sneaking around? I need to say hi.

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  46. ((He's at the door, sir. Yes, Mr. Skipster. It's all falling into place....))

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  47. I think Bach is the one scaling the wall outside my window...at least there's a man all dressed in black, wearing dark shades. Lady?!!

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  48. All in black, wearing shades? Maybe I'd better find the Foxster.

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  49. He can scale walls? Wow...I've known him my whole life and didn't know he could do that! I will admit he's acting quite mysterious today!

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  50. David's accounted for. Maybe it is Bach! And... Ohmigods, it's Sean Connery! Two icons in one day! I love this job!

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  51. Well, where's Betty? Does she know he's out scaling walls? Just to show us all he's still got it, I suppose! ha.

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  52. ((Lizzie sneaks to window to hand Bach a white envelope))

    "Shhhhh. Get this to Brian. Quickly!"

    ((Bach nods and makes his way back down the wall))

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  53. No, no, Betsy, Sean's over there, with Betty! (I was distracted, ya know?) I don't know who's scaling the wall!

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  54. lizzie called and said there was a fight, sorry i missed all the fun!

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  55. I'll be back later, y'all. I think I see Mr. Toast...?

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  56. It was Bach? Oh my....the saga continues! And Brian is now tangled in the mysterious web...I bet he doesn't even know it yet! ha!

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  57. Tara, you do have a great job, I must say. Errr..hope I didn't inconvenience you tooo much but that paparazzi is heading oyur way to the poll coffee room. Err... they want my tea but can Grethcen perhaps make it? It may not be as good but it will buy me time. I'm still standing her trying to get Sophia Marceau out of that interview.

    Boy, i hope Bach doesn't mind--scurrying up those walls only to now have to scurry back down and over to Brian's. He's going to be exhausted. Just as well he;s got the whole Darth Vader thing going on then. LOL.

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  58. Brian...you have not missed it yet. Please...hurry to my room...#005 - the Skipster is going to need you.

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  59. so what did i do? i thought i was drinking coffee...

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  60. Mr. Toast, watch the ladies! They are going to need you...

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  61. Well, I'm watching, I'm watching, but I'm somewhat distracted myself presently.

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  62. Who the hell can sleep with all this racket? Where's the Skipster? He's supposed to be updating the status sidebar!

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  63. (by Cell Phone) Skipster? Its Barry. Are those search lights I see from the Great opening? They are. Then we're only about 10 miles way. Thanks for sending the police escort, too bad Xena left those police cars behind. Man, that woman can move.!

    Anyway see you in about ten minutes--if I can get Xena to stop in time!

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  64. Oh, crap! Calm down, people!

    Gee, is this a good time to tell 'em that Part Four will post in less than five minutes, Tara? Tara? Where'd you go?

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  65. Umm, may I have everyone's attention? Folks? Folks? Crap.

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  66. Betty? Can I see you a minute? [points to corner of room] Uhhh, over here?

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  67. [Foxster and Betty huddle briefly in corner. Foxster turns around, holding a pistol. He fires a shot into the ceiling.]

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  68. It's okay, folks, I own half the building! NOW, may I have everyone's attention?

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  69. Uhoh...I think Lady Cat just fainted! Somebody get some water...

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  70. I'll make this quick. I try to take a nap, and things go nutty. I'm hungry. I can't find my girlfriend. I can't find my partner. I'm tired. I'm cranky. I'm...

    Uhhh...

    There really was a point I was going to make here...

    Crap.

    Let's all relax now, okay? Whatever's going on upstairs should be over soon.

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  71. I'm all ears! Wait... I think see Skipster coming down the stairs!

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  72. Vickie? If LadyCat needs water, she gets it.

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  73. Wow, once the adrenaline rush is gone...

    Folks, I had to do something. Barry will be here with Xena any second!

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  74. What is this... oh gosh.. I've to think of something quick... I've been found out ! YIKES

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  75. the envelope ... oh yes... AND THE WINNER IS? drum roll, drum roll.....

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  76. I'm ok now...so much suspense with Bach scaling walls. I didn't know he was a secret agent! Thanks for the water.

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  77. The FOXSTER is the winner... a whole year of free coffee from KEWL BEANZ Coffee Shoppe!!!
    You go Foxster... take it, man! So cool to be cool!

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