Tuesday, January 26, 2010

PART TWO of the Kewl Beanz! Grand Opening: Remote Broadcast from Tara


Montgomery Regional Airport. Tara stands there, facing the readers. It is approximately 10 a.m., Central Time.

Tara: Well... (sighs) Here I am, still at the airport in Montgomery, feeling like a TV reporter on location...! But I wanted to share some good news with y'all. (pause) As is typical with the team of Simpson & Lynch, what started out as a modest little retro coffeeshop grew to be much, much more. But I wanted a place to kick back and relive the days of the Beat Generation, when people such as Jack Kerouac, Allen Ginsberg, Gregory Corso, Lawrence Ferlinghetti, William Burroughs, and the like were all alive and well, and changing the cultural landscape of America, if not the world. A place for the Beats, not the beatniks -- Kerouac himself disliked that word, a media creation -- to hang out, read poetry, drink coffee, smoke cigarettes, and listen to cool, cool jazz. Even once the Skipster was brought out of his period of channeling Maynard G. Krebs, I thought that was still possible. (brief pause) And it is! The Skipster has oh-so-kindly allowed me to set up an upstairs room at Kewl Beanz! -- as yet unnamed, any suggestions? -- which is sorta intimate, with soundproof glass panels that drop down so you don't hear the intrusive music from the first floor! This ought to be a really...

Tara's cell phone rings.

Tara: Oh, sorry, folks, hold on. I gotta take this; it's Kato. (into phone) Kato? What's up, buddy?

Kato's voice: Tara, there's a problem.

Tara (nervously): Talk to me...!

Kato's voice: I'm watching over that upstairs room. The one that isn't even supposed to be open yet.

Tara: Yeah, I was just telling...

Kato's voice (interrupting): Listen to me, please! There's some... some guy, here. He showed up a few minutes ago with a few friends. They're having a few drinks, smoking like chimneys, and playing pool!

Tara: Playing...? (pause) Kato, there's no pool table in that room!

Kato's voice (frantic): There is now!

Tara: Okay, okay, buddy. Don't panic. I'll be there as soon as the last of the guests get here. If they don't arrive soon, I'll get Gretchen to assign Vickie here to greet 'em! She's not doing anything for this event anyway...

Kato's voice: One more thing, Tara. Do you know anyone named Ronda?

Tara: Yeah, she's one of the internet guests. She hasn't shown up yet, or at least, she hasn't gone through me. Why?

Kato's voice: Because this guy has asked me three times already "where the hell" she is!

We hear the sound of glass breaking in the background. Kato disconnects the call without saying good-bye. Tara stares plaintively at the readers.


  1. OK, I'm posting my travel logues over here at my MORE HOT TOAST AND JAM - For KEWL BEANS blog. You can catch me there too, if you like. More later, as the day progresses. I expect to be there by early evening.

    Can't wait to meet you lot. Things are already underway, I see!

  2. And then some, Mr. Toast! There's a small disturbance upstairs at Kewl Beanz, but I'm hoping I can defuse things.

    Skipster, if you see this... Tara's coming back here; I'm sending Kato to get her. She just called me, and asked if Gretchen could have Vickie take her place at the airport. Where is Vickie, by the way? And where's Gretchen? Crap!

  3. Foxster... Kato, Gretchen and myself are at Montgomery getting SnL One ready to pick up Mister Toast. Vickie is here, going to take Tara's place. Tara's getting a rental car to drive back to Pleastview.

  4. No Skipster, no Kato, no Gretchen, no Vickie -- well, that I can live with -- and no Tara... yet.

    I am [expletive deleted]. I am so [expletive deleted].

  5. (Calling on cellphone) Foxster... Skip wanted me to tell you we're just leaving Montgomery Regional airspace. We are climbing to 23,000 feet and plan to flying at 500 knots. We should be in Denver in less than two hours. Tara is on her way back to Pleasantview. Vickie is at airport. This is Gretchen. Over and out.

  6. Sorry for arriving incognito...wanted to bypass the paprazzi. My date is The Bach, of course. I'll be updating on our activities as the day progresses. What an exciting day, kats & kittens!
    It's good to back in sweet home Alabama. Haven't been here since 1972.

  7. @Gretchen: Yes, Gretchen, I already know all of that! For cryin' out l-

    Umm... Sorry. Sorry.

    I already heard from Skip. I'll... I'll handle things here.


  8. @LadyCat, and the Bach: Welcome. And... you might want to avoid KB, at least for right now...

  9. ((Lizzie's guest is departing out the front door with his bags...))

    Mr. Foxter?!?!?

  10. (calling on cellphone) Hello Mister Foxster. I can see big mountains way off in distance. It is beautiful day up here. Very peaceful. Are you having good time back home? We are at 23,000 feet and flying at exactly 500 knots. I am making strudel for Mister Toast in galley. This is Gretchen. Over and out!

  11. (Cell Phone Call) Just wanted to let you know we're still on our way. Xena got a speeding ticket somewhere in Kentucky and didn't have money on her to pay the freight (you seen the little costume she wears) and all I had was Canadian Currency so it took us a while to sort that out.

    Xena has promised to pick up the pace and make up for lost time.

    I just hope we don't get another ticket. They don't give out speeding tickets to Warrior Princesses in Alabama do they?

  12. Thanks for the advice. Linked our arrival to you from my place http://ladyofwellington.blogspot.com/
    Great to be here!

  13. @LadyCat: Just keep watching for updates, and thanks for the link.

    @Barry: That's right, you're with Xena! Hopefully our little situation will be dealt with before your arrival, but if not, she may come in handy.

  14. The Warrior Princes in Alabama? Whoa. This WILL get interesting1

    OK, that glass? Is it at Kato's or where Tara is at? i hope it's not that new sound proof glass?!

    boy, Denver international is interesting, let me tell you. People in ski clothes right along side rugged Coloradoans in shorts! Hey, is that my son over there? He's mane to be in school1 Oh, oh..phew. No, just some chap also dressed in short. LOL.

    OK, cant wait to board the SnL One. Should be quite the flight!

  15. (Calling from cellphone) Ha ha! Skip just made an announcement that we were beginning our final descent into Denver. The latest weather report we got said that Denver was partly cloudy, 32 degrees, the visibility is unlimited, the clouds are few at 9000 and scattered at 12,000. We will be landing on runway 26. Would you like me to tell you about how he flew "Quail Six" arrival?

  16. Quail six? Is that dangerous?! Ok, I see you plane. I'm running out to get it. got my bags packed adn suit hanging up under wrap. Can I cahnge on the plane? I will need to send some text messges to my 'date' too to she wher she is at. She;s got a tad further to go!

  17. I'm here! I finally made it. What a treacherous trip. Flight cancellations. Delays. Re-routs. And I kept waiting for Jack to call me. I was so disappointed.

    And now, I see he's been here playing with y'all. Isn't he just the coolest. Thanks guys! This is just the best party ever!

    Hey! I thought I was the only one that channeled Maynard!

    Gotta go find Jack now!

  18. Hmmm...Let's see...enjoy Pleasantview Country Club facilities or sleep?

    I can sleep when I'm dead. Enjoy the Club facilities it is, right Jack?

  19. Whoa! Niiiiiice plane, Skipster! Lovely company too! If you don't mind I will take a bit of shut eye to cath up from the plannig last ngiht, then dress 15 mins before we land, if you could tell me when that will be? Thanks so much. What a host!

    (Travel logues posted here and in the comments)

  20. That's right, baby. The deep deep sleep of the damned doomed dead gives the beat beat beat to life's heart.

    Let's hit the pool table and rack 'em and smack 'em, dig?

  21. Hi Guys and Gals. My BIL and SIL, Sammy and Loree Jon Jones came by to visit us from S.C. Do you think it will okay if I bring them over to do a few trick shots and demos at the pool table? Don't know Sammy and Loree Jon? Check out my blog today.

  22. Oh Ronda...I just knew you would be the life of the party! OK...Lizzie said she was gonna sing..where did she go?

    The walking tour was just beautiful, btw, if anyway is interested later today. OK...need a cappuccino...off to look for a coffee bar...

  23. Betsy, see that man standing behind our bar over there? He's an excellent barrista, and he'll make you anything you want!

  24. Ronda! You may want to read Part Three -- just posted -- and then go to see Jack. I think he could use some cheering up.

  25. Thanks, Skip...I'll go see him. And thanks, again, Skip...I'm having a wonderful time. :)

  26. Just popping in to check on the festivites! Looks like everyone is having a marvelous time. Where's that barrista? Is it too early for a G&T?

  27. Willow! Glad to see you! Here's your gin & tonic, with the compliments of KewlBeanz! Enjoy the food, fun, festivities and shmoozing!