Tuesday, March 2, 2010

HEART ATTACK!



Scene One: The ICU of Pleasantview Community Hospital. It is mid-afternoon. In his hospital bed, the Foxster slowly regains consciousness. Through blurry eyes he makes out a figure of a woman with red hair -- Dr. Jane Kildeer -- standing next to his hospital bed.

Foxster
(whispering)
: Vickie, is that you? (brief pause) Where's Tara?

Dr. Kildeer
(softly)
: No, Mr, Foxster. My name's Jane Kildeer, and I'm your attending physician.

Foxster (as his eyesight slowly clears)
:
An "attending physician" who's tired of being told that she looks like Nicole Kidman, I assume?

Dr. Kildeer
(smiling and nodding)
: I get that a lot. I also get a lot of grief over my name.

Foxster: I know what you mean. My partner got a lot of grief over Nicole Kidman. (Dr. Kildeer looks at the Foxster, not understanding his remark, as he looks around at his surroundings.) So... I'm in the hospital, obviously...

Dr. Kildeer (nodding and grinning): Very observant. Right now, you're getting the very best of care in Pleasantview Community Hospital. I'm sure you've heard of the place, as I understand that you and your partner made a very generous donation last quarter. (brief pause) You had a minor heart attack, but you're doing just fine now. Just lie back and get some rest.

Foxster: I'm not tired... I just... (softly) Tara... (The Foxster passes out.)

* * * * *

Scene Two: The ICU waiting area of Pleasantview Community Hospital, a few hours later. Tara is sitting by herself, reading an issue of "Peeps" magazine from 2008. Frank, a handsome EMT, walks over and sits down beside her.

Frank: Are you Miss King? (Tara looks up from the magazine and nods.) Hi, my name's Frank. I was one of the EMTs who brought Mr. Foxster in when he had his heart attack.

Tara: Thank the gods you arrived on time! But... who called you?

Frank: Actually Miss King, it was pure luck. We were at your house making door-to-door collections for the Pleasantview Rescue Squad when that... weird receptionist of yours said she'd need Mr. Foxster's authorization for any donations, but luckily, she'd
just seen him enter the studio only a minute or so earlier
. She buzzed him on the intercom and there was no answer. She buzzed again a few moments later, then looked at us and said, "That's strange. Mr. Foxster always answers immediately." We decided we'd better investigate.

Tara (shaking her head): That damned Irish luck of his!

Betty, the head nurse in ICU, walks over to Tara and Frank.

Betty: Miss King? The doctor told me to tell you that Mr. Foxster is sleeping comfortably. There's really no reason for you to remain here right now. We have your number at the house, as well as your cell phone number, and we'll keep you informed if there are any developments in his case.

Tara: Thank you. You've all been very nice.

Betty smiles and goes back to her station.

Frank: Did you notice her hairstyle?

Tara: Her... hairstyle? Not really, no.

Frank: It's becoming all the rage here in Pleasantview. They call it the "Tara."

Tara (distractedly): Mm.

Frank (gently)
:
You look pretty frazzled, Miss King. Can I buy you a cup of coffee?

Tara: Yeah! I mean... Yes, you can. Thanks. It's been a really long, exhausting day. And that was even before all of this.

Tara and Frank exit to go to the cafeteria.

* * * * *

Scene Three: The living room in the home of Vickie Wickie. Vickie is reclining on her sofa, watching her red-tail boa constrictor swallowing a live mouse, while her accomplice, Milo Fenderbender, is mixing drinks.

Vickie (cheerfully): Can you believe this? Who would have ever guessed the "bearded wonder" had such a tender ticker?

Milo: I'm wondering how much of this was brought on by my sweet partner in crime? Any word on that skinny partner of his and his Kraut girlfriend?

Vickie: The last we heard, they're enjoying Hawaii so much, they've extended their vacation to go on a Windjammer Cruise! The damned fool didn't even take his cellphone.

Milo (handing her a drink, and sitting): So, he doesn't...?

Vickie: Nope! He has no idea about his little partner's brush with death.

Milo: This certainly helps grease the wheels for us, and I love it when a plan comes together. (toasting Vickie) To us, my dear!

Vickie (clinking glasses with Milo): To "Operation Grand Slam," you mean!

Milo (sipping his drink): You do realize that they used that name in Goldfinger for the raid on Fort Knox? (Vickie shrugs, not understanding the reference.)

Vickie: Once I get through with these guys, raiding Fort Knox will look like breaking open some snot-nosed brat's piggy bank! In fact, Milo, I'm in such a good mood... (smiles) Well, get over here and I'll show you.

Milo drains his drink quickly and puts the glass on the desk. He stares at Vickie, wide-eyed.

Milo (eagerly): You mean, you're finally in the mood for my patented "Fenderbender Treatment?"

Vickie (grimacing slightly): Only if you don't call it that. (brief pause) In fact, don't say another word. Just come here. This is your lucky day.

To Be Continued...

4 comments:

  1. Obviously, Milo likes boob jobs...

    ReplyDelete
  2. A rush to the ER,
    A life to save.
    The Foxster used up
    All his luck today.
    So glad that the ambulance
    Was there at the scene.
    Without the Foxster
    There'd be no Kewl Beans.
    With Dr Kildeer and Nurse Betty
    Taking care of his butt
    You can bet that his stay
    Won't be that tough.
    Looking forward to a quick
    Recovery and
    The helm of S/L
    Will be back in his hand.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Oh my....I leave blogland for a few days and all kinds of stuff happens!

    ReplyDelete