Saturday, August 7, 2010

Act IX "Meanwhile, Back At The Ranch" - The Doomsday Matter

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Scene: GLOBE outpost. Pleasantview, Alabama. The morning after the day before. Or something. Our intrepid agents are assembled in the conference area, and enjoying the forty-seven cases of expensive champagne... compliments of GLOBE HQ.

We eavedrop on the Skipster and Buffy.

Skipster: Buffy, I really would like to see you again.

Buffy: Likewise. But...

Skipster: But?

Buffy: (sighs) Look. You realize as well as I do that in your position, if you were seen with me, the tabloids would want to know, "Who's that girl on the Skipster's arm?" at such-and-such movie premiere. They could dig, and dig, and ultimately blow my cover... not to mention GLOBE's.

Skipster: You really are wise beyond your years...

Buffy: Skip. My career comes first. I'm sure you can understand that.

Skipster: So... if we do see each other, we're going to have to be realllly sneaky.

Buffy: Hey. We're spies! That part should come easy!

Skip: Sounds like pizza and movie nights at my place.

Buffy: I'd like that.

They smile at each other. We eavesdrop on Slate, Kittridge and Mr. Winter.

Slate: Let me get this straight. You saved Professor Roy Hinkley's life? He's an idol to me! He was like Zefram Cochrane to my Geordi La Forge!

Kittridge: Who?

Slate: Star Trek reference.

Kittridge: Never watched it...

Winter: I worked with Roy back in the old days. He was quite the genius in coming up with new and unusual hardware. He was a good friend. I'm sorry I missed out on seeing him again.

We eavesdrop on Glory and the Skipster.

Glory: So, how much does your drunken friend remember about all this?

Skipster: The Foxster? I'm afraid he was too drunk to remember anything... not that he was in any shape to comprehend it anyway. Looks like GLOBE's secrets are safe.

Glory: Did you ever find out why he happened to be in Louisville?

Skipster: (shrugs) All he would say was, "I needed to see a man about a horse."

Mr. Winter clinks his glass.

Winter: Attention, everyone. Miss Buffy Pleasant would like to make an announcement.

Buffy: Hey, y'all. In honor of the man who not only helped save the world, but also captured Bruno Drake in the process, I stayed up all night to make this cake. The inscription reads, "To A Great Guy." This is for Agent Kitt Kittridge!

Glory: Never knew you had it in ya, Sparky!

Kittridge: (matter-of-factly) You never asked.

Buffy takes the cover off the cake. All that's left are crumbs.

Winter: Oh, dear! That cake was for him?

Later, as Glory pulls Mr. Winter aside...

Glory: Mr. Winter... I have a confession to make...

Winter: You want to tell me that all this time, you were also assigned to keep tabs on our little operation and report to the powers-that-be?

Glory: (astonished) Yes! How did you...?

Winter: Standard operating procedure within the organization. Don't forget, I've been around a long time.

Glory: Then you should know that because of your quick thinking, you not only helped save what could have been a deadly situation, but you also protected GLOBE's cover in the process. And that's what I wrote in my report. (smiling) And thus, the champagne delivery.

Winter: I learned a long time ago that people will believe whatever you want them to believe. Life itself can be an illusion. My nephew is an amateur magician. He knows about things like that.

Glory: Is your nephew in Great Britain, or does he live here, as you do?

Winter: Oh, he's right here in the states. As a matter of fact... (indicating Kittridge) he's right over there.

Glory looks astonished.

Glory: (dumbfounded) Kitt Kittridge... is your NEPHEW???

Winter: I figured it was time to get him out of jail, and put him to use where his talents would be utilized for the common good. (pause) Now, let's see how good you are at keeping that secret between us, shall we?

Mr. Winter hoists his glass of champagne.

Winter: (loudly) To a great staff! May all our futures be bright!

Kittridge: And "God bless us, every one!"

There is a pause as everyone looks at Kittridge. Then, for the very first time, everyone laughs at his wisecrack.

THE END


1 comment:

  1. Where on earth did you find that Mattel commercial? Did they REALLY sell that stuff to kids? For $7? These days you couldn't even get it shipped for $7 - assuming they would sell such a thing. Of course they wouldn't because shipped along with it would be a Homeland Security dufus to arrest you for terrorism. Whoa! It would be a shoot-out between HS and the NRA. My two favorite groups of people. Not.

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