Sunday, September 5, 2010

Pleasantview, Season Two Opener ~~ EXTRA! EXTRA! Read All About It!

From the Front Page of the Pleasantview Poop Sheet:


(article contributed by Editor-in-Chief, staff reporter,
and advertising director, Dewey Mellen)

Flames engulfed the Simpson/Lynch Studios at 35 Woodland Drive in Pleasantview today, at approximately 6 a.m. in the morning. This was due to a blaze which broke out when a fire began. Pleasantview Volunteer Fire Department personnel were on the scene well before 9 a.m.

The fire's origin is being investigated by the Pleasantview Volunteer Fire Department, although early reports say that the apparent cause was an electrical fire started by a faulty computer power supply. Fire Chief Chester Minnit of Pleasantview was quoted as saying, "Our early reports say that the apparent cause was an electrical fire started by a faulty computer power supply."

According to Town Clerk Carol Brady, everything in the studio was up to fire codes, but there is no reason at this time to suspect foul play. Miss Brady was quoted as saying "Everything in the studio was up to fire codes, but there is no reason at this time to suspect foul play."

There were no deaths or injuries during the fire. The owner of the property, Skip Simpson, is apparently away on business. Mr. Simpson's former fiancée, Gretchen Van Grüber, apparently left several weeks ago for parts unknown. Mr. Simpson's partner, Mr. David Foxster, moved into the Old Fenneman Estate on One Lakeside Drive in Pleasantview months ago, as well. Mr. Foxster was not available for comment. The only other resident of the studio is a Mr. Luke T. Ahn, who is reportedly away on other business.

According to Simpson/Lynch Studios' receptionist, Carol Nolastnamegiven, she was outside the building at the time the fire began before officially reporting to work, enjoying the backyard and the surrounding scenery while drinking herbal tea and smoking an herbal cigarette. When asked why she did not call the PVFD immediately, instead of the allowing the neighboring families to do so instead, Miss Nolastnamegiven replied, "Huh? Oh, yeah. I dunno. It was kinda pretty, though. Nice colors'n'stuff. Hey, you got any chocolate on you?"

Local attraction Cool Beans, owned by Simpson/Lynch Studios, is located approximately one mile away from the studio, at 330 Main Street, also in Pleasantview, and suffered no damage from the fire. Neither did Mr. Foxster's home, being several miles away.

Damage to the studio was extensive, and is estimated at being a lot of money.

Local radio station WPLJ-AM was beginning to organize a fund drive, but after being reminded that Mr. Simpson and Mr. Foxster are both multi-millionaires, they changed it to a fund drive to send Pleasantview's only homeless man and resident wino, Gabby Pleasant III, out of town.

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From the Next-to-the-Last Page of the Pleasantview Poop Sheet, One Day Later:

Correction: The Pleasantview Poop Sheet staff would like to list a few minor corrections to yesterday's front page headline article. The Simpson/Lynch Studios receptionist is not named Carol Lastnamenotgiven. Her name is Carla; her last name was not given. Mr. Skip Simpson's former fiancée, Gretchen Von Grüber, was misidentified as Gretchen Van Grüber. Mr. Simpson's partner, whose name was unfortunately given as David Foxster, is apparently named David M. Lynch. Mr. Luke Tian's name was incorrectly listed as Luke T. Ahn, like actor Philip Ahn in the enjoyable "Kung Fu" television series. The Kewl Beanz! restaurant, nightclub, and coffeehouse was inadvertently misspelled as Cool Beans. Mr. Lynch's former girlfriend, Tara King, manager of Kewl Beanz!, evidently was available for comment, as was Kewl Beanz! assistant manager, Bella Vergara, but we didn't think of calling either of them. Other than these small points, the Pleasantview Poop Sheet stands by the integrity of its original article.