Monday, May 24, 2010

Act II "Where Are My Little Pants?" - The Doomsday Matter


Scene One: Conference room, GLOBE Relay Station, Pleasantview, Alabama. Monday morning, 10 a.m. Mr. Winter is searching all his pockets for the key to the embarrassingly mislabeled "Doomsday Clock." Seated at the table are the Skipster, Buffy Pleasant, Glory Becker, John Slate, and Kitt Kittridge.

Mr. Winter: Okay... I know I have it here somewhere... Ah! Eureka! (He produces a key and tosses it on the table with a flourish.)

The Skipster examines the key closely.

Skipster: Umm... Mr. Winter? By any chance, have you received a piece of mail lately that announced that you may have won a car if you bring a key down to the dealership?

Mr. Winter: Why, yes, I did, Skipster! Just the other day I got a big postcard from Pleasantview Toyota. (brief pause) I like those Toyotas! They're dependable and get great petrol mileage. (brief pause) Why?

Skipster: Because I got the same postcard. There was a cheap plastic key attached that looked... exactly like this one.

Mr. Winter: That's great news, Skipster! So we've both won Toyotas!

Slate: Uhh, no, Mr. Winter. I think the Skipster is saying that this isn't the key we're looking for.

Glory: Think, Mr. Winter! What were you wearing when GLOBE delivered the Doomsday Co... Clock?

Mr. Winter (thinking hard): Well... it was Saturday, and I was the only one here... I was listening to Vivaldi on the stereo in my office. I believe I was wearing my little pants...

Kittridge (laughing out loud): "Little pants???"

Mr. Winter (indignantly): Bermuda shorts to you, Mr. Kittridge! It was rather warm here in the building, as I had shut off all the air conditioners to save money. Yes! That's it! I believe I put the key in my little pants!


Buffy: Wait! I think the dry cleaners picked those up this morning! I'll call Sudsy Doodle Cleaners & Laundry, to see if they found the key! (Buffy exits.)

Kittridge (sighing): So now we have a device that can destroy the world, with the activation key in the possession of Sudsy Doodle! (shaking his head) Please tell me I'm having a bad dream.

* * * * *

Scene Two: The secret lair of a secret villainous organization known -- only to themselves -- as ENEMA. ENEMA is comprised of a motley bunch of terrorists, criminals... and former Tea Party activists. Three swarthy men are sitting around a table monitoring what looks like a tracking device.

Head Honcho Swarthy Man: Gentlemen, phase one of our plan is complete. The Doomsday Key is well on its way to its destination.

Second Swarthy Man: Yes. Soon the world will know of the power ENEMA alone possesses.

Head Honcho Swarthy Man:: And if they do not capitulate to our demands, we will destroy them all!

Third Swarthy Man (shifting uncomfortably in his chair): Umm... question? Not to rain on anybody's parade, here... but I was was just thinking. (brief pause) May I have permission to speak freely, sir?

Head Honcho Swarthy Man: By all means.

Third Swarthy Man: Well... I was just wondering... if the world refuses to "capitulate to our demands" as you so succintly put it... and let's say we actually did destroy the world... wouldn't we be blowing ourselves up in the process?

Head Honcho Swarthy Man smiles, calmly pulls out an automatic pistol, and shoots Third Swarthy Man dead.

Head Honcho Swarthy Man: I hate people that over-analyze things...

* * * * *

Scene Three: Conference room, GLOBE Relay Station, Pleasantview, Alabama. Monday morning, 11 a.m. Still seated at the table are the Skipster, Glory Becker, John Slate, and Kitt Kittridge. Buffy Pleasant is entering the room through the automatic sliding doors.

Buffy: Bad news, sir. Sudsy Doodle only does pickups and deliveries on Tuesdays and Thursdays.

Mr. Winter: So they found the key? Great!

Buffy (patiently): No, sir. Today is Monday. Whoever picked up your little pants was not an official Doodle Driver.

Slate: So we were duped by the Doodle Driver?

Glory: It doesn't sound like it was a Doodle Driver duping us. It sounds more like a dubious double for the Doodle Driver.

Skipster: Ah-ha! The Doodle Driver was not merely a double, then, but a divergent deputy from a dastardly den of dangerous desperadoes?

Kittridge: Can I play, too? (brief pause) How about... We're desperately digging for direction, and we're getting diddly-squat, dudes!

Mr. Winter: Ooooh. Nice one, Mr. Kittridge.

Skipster: So... speaking of direction, wouldn't something that valuable have some sort of tracking device?

Slate (snapping his fingers): Yes! Wasn't there a little black box sitting on this table a few hours ago?

Mr. Winter: Oh, that! I thought it was pretty, with the blinking lights and all, and I put it in my office as a paperweight.

Kittridge leans back and sighs, rolling his eyes.

Buffy (glaring at Kittridge): I'll go get it.

Buffy exits, only to return a moment later with a small black box. She places it on the middle of the table. They all stare at it.

Skipster: Okay, John. You're the tech whiz. What is it?

Slate: It's a rudimentary tracking device, Model RS-100, orginally manufactured by Tandy Corporation, and sold at Radio Shacks nationwide. It was a big seller back in '89.

Kittridge (sarcastically): Oh yeah. I remember getting one for Christmas! Look, genius, can this gadget help us or what?

Slate: Well, let's just turn it on and see. (Slate flicks the switch on. More lights start flashing. Suddenly the device shuts down.) Damn! The batteries must be dead. (opening the battery compartment) Anyone have two triple-A's?

Mr. Winter: Check the old batteries, Mr. Slate. If they're from Radio Shack, we can get free replacements for life! (proudly) I'm a member of the battery club!

Glory: Hang on... (She opens the battery compartment of the remote to the video screen and produces two triple-A batteries.) Here ya go!

Slate: Excellent! (Slate inserts the new batteries. The tracking device starts back up.) Interesting. The LED readouts are obviously coordinates, and they are slowly changing. (looking up) The key is on the move! (Slate gets up and runs to the map on the wall.) It looks like it's now in Prattville, Alabama. (He studies the readouts for a moment.) It also looks like it's headed due north at slightly higher-than-average highway speed.

Skipster (thinking for a moment): Mr. Winter? Did GLOBE provide this station with a plane?

Mr. Winter: Why, yes indeedy, Skipster! A very pretty Piper Cub. Bright yellow! And...

Skipster (cutting him off): Never mind. I have something that will do a pretty good job of tracking that key from the air. So! (looking around) Who's up for a plane ride?

Everyone except Kittridge raises one hand. Buffy raises two hands. Mr. Winter notices.

Mr. Winter: Miss Pleasant, I cannot allow you to go on this mission, as you are not yet a qualified field agent.

Buffy: Mr. Winter, I want to do this! Please give me a chance to prove myself.

Mr. Winter (shrugging): Well, since you put it like that... All right. You may come along, too. After all, I can't get into any more trouble than I am now.

The Skipster and Glory look at Kittridge.

Skipster: Here's your chance for some adventure, Sparky.

Kittridge: Wow. Tracking a key from 25,000 feet in the air. Sounds breathtaking.

Mr. Winter (fixing Kittridge with an icy stare): Mr. Kittridge! Ever since you've arrived here, all you've done is whine and complain. Now we are presented with a mission that may or may not be successful. It is imperative that my staff give total cooperation in this matter. In other words, Mr. Kittridge... (leaning forward and speaking softly) you can either shit or get off the pot.

Kittridge sheepishly raises his hand.

Kittridge: Aww, well... You guys probably need my expertise anyway.

Glory: And I'm sure we're all dying to know what that is. (brief pause) C'mon, Sparky... Let's roll!

Buffy slides her arm through the Skipster's.

Buffy: Wow! A real adventure! This is gonna be so much fun!

Slate: Just give me a few minutes to round up some stuff we may need...

TO BE CONTINUED...

Friday, May 21, 2010

WHO'S WHO in PLEASANTVIEW ~~ Part Two


Again, for our newer readers (mostly), here's WHO'S WHO in PLEASANTVIEW! Today, fellow babies, we focus on two "baddies" and a beauty!

* * * * *

Vickie Wickie -- Vickie's full, stated name is presumably an alias of some kind. She is in her very late twenties. Little is known of her life before she was hired by Simpson/Lynch Studios to be SnL's new Executive Assistant when Gretchen was promoted to Director of Operations. (She had used some undisclosed method of subterfuge to insure that hers was the only application which reached them in answer to their ad.) Vickie once claimed to the Skipster that her estranged father recently passed away; she has never spoken about her mother, nor any other family members. Since she joined the SnL staff, Vickie has worked continually -- but to no avail -- to get some or all of the Simpson/Lynch fortune, as her personal goal seems to be to become wealthy before she reaches the age of thirty. Her initial efforts at seducing both the Foxster and the Skipster met with defeat, although she eventually planted enough false clues that she and the Skipster were indeed having an affair to make the non-confrontational Gretchen break off her engagement to the Skipster and leave without a word. Gretchen has always felt uneasy around her, as has Luke, while the more emotional Tara blatantly can't stand her. Vickie is a heartless, racist, social-climbing, animal-hating, self-centered bitch whose only means of entertainment seem to be feeding live mice to her boa constrictor, and having sex... and the latter occurs only when things are going 100% Vickie's way. In fact... calling Vickie a "bitch" does a grave disservice to female dogs everywhere.

Milo Fenderbender -- Oddly enough, "Fenderbender" is Milo's real last name, the result of an immigration officer's warped sense of humor when Milo's immediate family escaped the Soviet Union and immigrated to the USA in the early 1960s. Milo is a disbarred lawyer, in his early fifties, who still has various seedy "connections." He has known Vickie Wickie for an unspecified time, and serves as her partner of a sort, for no real compensation other than rare instances of sex and (presumably) whatever entertainment Vickie's nefarious actions provide for him. Milo is crude and sexist, although he can act quite worldly and even charming when it suits his purposes. Milo seems to be as well-versed in pop culture as both the Foxster and Luke Tian; in a much different world (that is, one in which Milo was not such an unrepentant scuzz-ball), the three might all be friends. Quite some time ago, Milo set his sleazy sites on Tara King, and frequents Kewl Beanz! in hopes of someday "nailing" her... hopes which are thus far unrewarded, thankfully.

Isabella "Bella" Vergara -- Little is known about the beautiful Bella at this time. She is the recently-hired Assistant Manager of Kewl Beanz! and the mother of a small child (gender currently unspecified to this blog's readers). Whether she is divorced, widowed, or single has not been revealed, but she is currently "unattached" in the romantic sense. She is probably in her mid-twenties. Bella came from Colombia and speaks fluent English, albeit with a fetchingly heavy accent. She is very well-versed in all aspects of the SnL staff's public personas.

More Coming Soon!

Thanks for your time.

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

WHO'S WHO in PLEASANTVIEW ~~ Part One


As promised, here is Part One of the official WHO'S WHO in PLEASANTVIEW! These entries will be interspersed with various chapters of Spy Guys until our WHO'S WHO is done.

* * * * *


Skip Simpson, a/k/a the "Skipster" -- The Skip Simpson you see on this blog, a/k/a "The Skipster," is in his late thirties. Romantically, he's always been somewhat of a loner... until recently. After a short career in the military, which (we can now safely assume) was followed by a five-year stint with the international spy organization known as GLOBE, the Skipster decided to rejoin the "real" world and indulge his creative side. He wound up at a Boston TV station, which in turn brought him into contact with the man he calls "the Foxster," approximately five years the Skipster's junior. They collaborated on and sold the screenplay for an immensely-popular cult film called Son of Reefer Madness, and the rest is history. In no time at all, the two were enormously wealthy, becoming friends and/or associates of some of the biggest names in the entertainment field... as well as Ben Affleck and Paris Hilton, apparently. Approximately two years ago, however, the Skipster relocated from Massachusetts to Alabama, where the distance from the Foxster eventually put a strain on their partnership. (Oh, and by the way: Neither the real Skip Simpson nor his blog counterpart have the name "Skip" on their birth certificates. Just sayin'.)


David M. Lynch, a/k/a the "Foxster" -- Things don't always go according to plan... For Massachusetts-born David M. Lynch -- his "M" stands for Macaulay, by the way, unlike my own middle name of Michael! -- said plan was for him to become an investigative journalist right out of high school, roughly fifteen years ago. Instead, he worked (briefly) writing "goo-goo love poetry" for a greeting card company before landing a job in New York on the writing staff of a daytime soap opera called Ocean Haven, under the pseudonym of "David DaSilva." The restless young David then migrated west toward California, stopping off in Las Vegas, where -- again, briefly -- he was employed by headliner Barry Cabana. (Sometime during this period, David picked up the nickname of "The Silver Fox," which years later became "the Foxster," thanks to Skip "Skipster" Simpson.) After finding work in Tinseltown -- mostly as an uncredited re-write man for the major studios -- David used emails & faxes to keep his foot in the proverbial Hollywood "door" so he could move back to Massachusetts. While working for a Boston TV station, he met and formed a creative partnership with the Skipster. Their collaborative efforts soon made them rich, but a strain between them resulted from the Skipster's move to Alabama roughly eight years later, a strain which resulted in a mercifully-short "feud" during which the two dissolved their partnership. At feud's end, the Foxster relocated to Alabama to prevent further occurrences of this sort. The Foxster is in his early thirties. He has very weak, light-sensitive eyes, and usually wears dark prescription sunglasses, even at night... which many mistake for an eccentric affectation. Romantically, the Foxster has always see-sawed between being somewhat of a committed idealist, and somewhat of a self-proclaimed "male slut"... until recently.


Gretchen Von Grüber -- Hailing from Germany, along with her Uncle Kris Von Grüber, his wife Dotty, and several family members who comprised the Kris Von Grüber Happy Oompah Band, Gretchen was orphaned as a youngster. Gretchen is in her late twenties. While still a teenager, she entered into an unhappy marriage with a verbally and physically abusive husband named Friedrich. For all intents and purposes, the marriage ended when Friedrich pushed a pregnant Gretchen down a flight of stairs, causing her to lose the baby. Eventually, the Von Grübers relocated to South Dakota. When Gretchen read that the Simpson/Lynch partnership had (temporarily) ended, she applied for the job of the Skipster's Personal Assistant (later Executive Assistant to both the Skipster and the Foxster). In no time at all, she had fallen deeply in love with the Skipster, but had no idea he felt the same about her until he proposed to her at the grand opening gala for the Kewl Beanz! coffeehouse, restaurant, & night club. Before another month had gone by, the Skipster had whisked her away for several romantic weeks in Hawaii. Soon after their return, however, she developed doubts about their relationship...


Tara King -- Tara's history is spotty at best before she was hired (as a paid intern) by the Skipster, at the same time as he hired Gretchen. All we really know about her prior to that was that she was homeless for a time and living in Gainesville, Florida, before travelling to Pleasantview to apply for the position of "paid intern." She claims a "classical education," which is not exactly borne out by her purported attendance at the University Of Florida in Gainesville on her original job application to what was then known as Simpson Studio. As it is, however, she evidently did not attend UF. She appears to be in her early twenties, but constantly remarks that "I'm older than I look." The highly-intelligent Tara is quick to anger, but just as quick to calm down and apologize when shown the error of her ways. She is also fluent in several languages... English, German, and Chinese (at least, the linguistic subdivision spoken by Luke), to name only three. In fact, she rapidly taught English to Gretchen. When Tara and Gretchen met, the two women formed an immediate bond. Similarly, even before the Skipster and the Foxster reconciled, Tara had formed an immediate, romantic (and reciprocal) attachment for the Foxster as well. She briefly left the Skipster's employ and moved to Massachusetts to live with the Foxster, but joined the resurrected Simpson/Lynch Studios when the Foxster moved down South. Shortly thereafter, Tara was promoted to the newly-created position of Manager of Kewl Beanz!, after which she and the Foxster became even closer. She moved into his newly-purchased house shortly before a terrible misunderstanding and vicious verbal argument between the two caused her to leave him. Her current status as an employee of Simpson/Lynch Studios has not yet been revealed. Tara has recently completed & sold a novel entitled Thaleia: A Love Story, for which she received a huge advance royalty check from her publisher.

Luke Tian (Xu-Ning Tian) -- Luke, who is in his mid-twenties, has been estranged from his family ever since he had an angry disagreement with his aged grandfather eight or nine years ago. He was immediately disowned by his father, Alan Tian, owner of a prosperous Boston, Massachusetts, import/export company known as Tian Global. Luke met Tara King about four years ago when the two were homeless in Gainesville; in tender conversational moments, Tara refers to Luke as her "little brother" although he is apparently two or three years her elder. At the time of their meeting, he was using the rather awkward alias of "Kato Kato." After joining Tara on her bus trip from Gainesville to Pleasantview, he used the Kato Kato alias when he applied for the multiple positions of cook, limousine driver, bodyguard, and "houseboy" for Simpson Studio. Luke recently began using his real name again, however, after attempting a reconciliation with his father. (No details of this attempt have yet been revealed, but it apparently did not go well.) Luke is a superb cook, a skilled chauffeur, and a reluctant but able fighter. He is also as obsessed with pop culture as is the Foxster, whom Luke has come to like and respect despite their initial misgivings about one another (forged during the Skipster/Foxster "feud").

More Coming Friday!

And thanks for your time.

Monday, May 17, 2010

For Those Who Came In Late: WHO'S WHO in PLEASANTVIEW!


Note from David M. Lynch (the real one, not "the Foxster"): For the first time since this blog was "inaugurated" on September 4th of last year, both myself and Skip Simpson are involved with enough "real world" activities to make this blog somewhat less than first -- or even second, third, or 47th -- on our list of priorities.

After wrapping up what Skip and I refer to as "Season One" of Pleasantview, I decided to take a so-called vacation. The agreement was that Skip would handle the lion's share of his own creation, Spy Guys, while I would contribute only an occasional section of dialogue, a plot assist here and there, and some of what I refer to as "editing for sameness of style." (You know, that minor rewriting that makes it look like Skip's posts, my posts, and those attributed to an author known only as "Simpson/Lynch Studios" are all written by the same person.)

Skip, who has recently reunited -- at first, only online & by telephone -- with his "favorite ex-wife" (number three in a series, collect 'em all!), Sandy, was recently blessed with a visit in Alabama by Sandy "in the flesh." After this visit, the two of them traveled to Sandy's stomping grounds in Virginia, where they've been doing all sorts of fun stuff... like searching for places with internet access, not to mention freakin' electricity & running water, fer cryin' out loud! (I'm exaggerating, but only a bit!) I'll let him fill you in on further details, if ever he decides to do so.

Anyway, this put Skip -- and Sandy, too, whom Skip made his co-conspirator on Spy Guys -- in a position where he, like myself before him, felt/feels totally justified (as well he should) in ignoring any self-imposed "deadlines" on a blog we both bust our individual asses on with absolutely zero pay for our efforts. (That, by the way, is why we're such pitiful "comment whores." When people don't comment, we have no idea what we're doing well, or not so well, in our readers' eyes. But I digress.)

Skip and I both fully realize that the nature of both Pleasantview and Spy Guys, with their on-going storylines -- we think of both stories as "nighttime soap operas" like Dynasty, The Sopranos, Lost, Dallas, and the like -- can be more than a little off-putting for newer readers. So I decided to make a list of virtually all of the "Snl" characters for the newbies, to be posted every couple of days. It'll be fairly "dry" reading... if you bother at all, that is... and there won't be much at all that regular followers don't know already... but there may be one or two things that only the sharpest of our sharp-eyed readers might have caught... and I might just throw in a little tid-bit or two that has never been revealed before, just to see if you're paying attention!

As is the case with the blog itself, some entries -- or parts of entries -- will be vaguely humorous, while others will not be. (Contrast Gretchen's abusive marriage or Tara's homelessness with Carla the Receptionist's or Dewey Mellen's bios, for example.)

This "Who's Who" will be kind of lengthy, even for me, since it encompasses virtually all of our characters to date (although most of the really incidental cast members only get a few sentences). Therefore, I'm going to break it into several installments, which will give the SnL team even more of a breather. Nevertheless, you may not want to read these entries from start to finish (unless you have lots of time... and patience), but perhaps "visit" them now and then, as necessary.

Wish me luck, fellow babies... and thanks for your time.

To Be Continued... Wednesday!

Monday, May 10, 2010

Act I "A Tasty Piece" - The Doomsday Matter

Scene: Conference room, GLOBE Relay Station, Pleasantview, Alabama. Monday morning, 9 a.m. Mr. Winter stands in front of a huge, draped object hanging on the wall near the head of the conference table. Seated at the table are the Skipster, Buffy Pleasant, Glory Becker, John Slate, and Kitt Kittridge.

Mr. Winter: First of all, I'd like to welcome a former agent who has decided to return to the fold: The Skipster. (Everyone applauds except Kittridge, who murmers a sarcastic "Yay.")

The Skipster (acknowledging everyone): Thank you. It's good to be back.

Mr. Winter (pressing on): The Skipster has decided to return, because he recently went through a very bad breakup with his fiancée. Gretchen Von Grüber, I believe her name was...

Skipster: Uh... Mister Winter... you really don't need...

Buffy: No! I want to hear more. (Buffy bats her baby blue eyes at the Skipster.)

Mr. Winter (continuing): Evidentally she left the engagement ring lying on the bed, and disappeared for no apparent reason. No note. No goodbyes. Just heartache...

Buffy: Ooooh. (Buffy starts writing on a piece of paper.)

Skipster (exasperated): Mr. Winter... I...

Mr. Winter (continuing): Yes... Love can be a pretty fickle beast. What was it the poet once wrote? "For I have loved and lost. 'Twas better to have lost, than have never lost at all. For as I stood on those ramparts we watched... at the twilight's last gleaming. At end of a love, whose broad stripes and bright stars, through the perilous night..."

Buffy passes a note to the Skipster across the table that reads, "555-6947. Call me."

Skipster: (exasperated) Mr. Winter!!! Can we get please get back to the briefing???

Mr. Winter: Hm? Oh yes. The briefing. Ahem. We have an awesome responsibility starting today, ladies and gentlemen. Behind this covering is a gift of sorts from GLOBE's main headquarters. (Mr. Winter removes covering with a dramatic flourish, revealing a large clock face, protected by a clear, bulletproof cabinet with a large padlock.) GLOBE's own Doomsday Clock!

Slate: Umm... But... the sign above it says "Doomsday..." umm... is that word what I think it is?

Buffy: And the clock's "hands" look more like... little male... umm... "thingies." (She looks over at the Skipster and winks.)

Glory (smiling knowingly):They're not that little, honey. (Glory sighs. She looks over at Slate and winks.)

Kittridge is laughing his ass off.

Mr. Winter (clearing throat): Ahh... yes. A little mix-up in the design department, I fear. They left out the "L," and... No matter.

Skipster: (purposely ignoring the doe-eyed stares of Buffy) Mr. Winter, what's the purpose of this Doomsday Co-- I mean, Doomsday Clock? There's already a Doomsday Clock!

Mr. Winter: The purpose? (dramatic pause) Ours works, Skipster! (scattered "oohs" and "ahhs" from those seated) Which is why this clock is locked and... (reaching into vest pocket, frowning) umm... (reaches into left and right coat pockets, still frowning) That is... (searches pants pockets, with panicked expression) uhhhh... (clearing throat and regaining composure) ...safe in our humble little GLOBE Relay Station here in Pleasantview, Alabama!

Slate: So... let me get this straight. This thing actually has the potential of destroying the world, as we know it? Why on earth was it ever built?

Mr. Winter: Ours is not to question why, Mr. Slate. All we care about is that it exists... and now that it does, it can never be used!

Glory: Okay. So... they spent like a trillion dollars to develop something that can never be used? (Shakes her head in disbelief.) Who were the rocket scientists that thought that one up?

Kittridge: And they put it in Pleasantview? Pleasant-freaking-view? Why Pleasantview? I mean... well...This town sucks!

Skipster (in a low voice): Rein it in, Kittridge...

Mr. Winter: (ignoring Kitt) GLOBE's board of directors felt that this would be the safest location, because any future attacks on GLOBE throughout the world would tend to hit our major branches. New York, Amsterdam, London, Zurich, Prague, Bangkok...

Kittridge: Don't you mean, "Bangklok?" Ha! Get it? (Everyone rolls their eyes and groans. Slate rolls up a piece of paper and tosses it at Kittridge.)

Mr. Winter (ignoring Kitt again): So our rather remote Pleasantview location is seen as being under the proverbial radar... and thus, quite safe.

Skipster: Terrific. (pause) By the way, Mr. Winter... Have you found the key yet?

Mr. Winter: Hm? What key? Oh... that key. Uh... I'm sure it'll turn up eventually, heh heh. (Claps his hands) Now, who's up for cake?

Everyone goes "Oooooooh."


Mr. Winter (continuing) Miss Buffy has honored us today with one of her delectable Southern creations, "White chocolate cake with raspberry cream cheese filling, and festive white chocolate truffle icing, with red and white rosettes." (Everyone applauds.)

Buffy (beaming): And I hope y'all like it. I got it right from Miss Paula Deen, herself! I stayed up half of last night makin' it. The inscription on top is for especially for you, Mr. Winter. (Buffy looks directly at the Skipster.) And our new guest gets a nice big tasty piece. (There is a sudden look of panic on Kittridge's face.)

Buffy walks over the the counter where her round covered Tupperware cake container sits. She lifts the lid. She screams.

Buffy: It's gone! Someone ate all the cake! (Kittridge sinks low in his seat.)

Slate (looking at Kittridge):It was you, wasn't it, Kittridge?

Kittridge (stammering):I... I thought that it was for me! The inscription read "To a wonderful man!"

Skipster (sighing): Great!!! How can we protect a device that can destroy the world when we can't even protect a "White chocolate cake with raspberry cream cheese filling, and festive white chocolate truffle icing, with red and white rosettes?"

To Be Continued...